1. Ger Kirwan once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Ger Kirwan allows to live.

3. When Ger Kirwan drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When Ger Kirwan was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Ger Kirwan!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

5. When Ger Kirwan goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Ger Kirwan could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two biros from Ger Kirwan and forgot to pay him back.

8. Ger Kirwan can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are Ger Kirwans way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

10. When Ger Kirwan jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Ger Kirwan. Ger Kirwan is the only man to ever
defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

11. Ger Kirwan can divide by zero.

12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Ger Kirwan, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. Ger Kirwan is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

14.Ger Kirwan has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. Ger Kirwan is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. Ger Kirwan can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why Ger Kirwans diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

18.Ger Kirwan once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

19.Ger Kirwan played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun
and won.

20. On his birthday, Ger Kirwan randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

21. Ger Kirwan doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

22. When Ger Kirwan does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

23. Whenever Ger Kirwan puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away
as an inferno erupts behind him.

24. Ger Kirwan invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Kate Kenneally invented pink.

25. Ger Kirwan coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

27. Ger Kirwan haunts Kate Kenneally's nightmares.

28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force
meets
an immovable object" was finally solved when Ger Kirwan punched himself in the fac

♥ i want to___________ger.♥
♥ I think ger is ________.♥
♥ ger thinks a lot about _______.♥
♥ When I think of ger, I think of ________.♥
♥ I want ger to ________ me.♥
♥ If I were alone in a room with ger I would _______.♥
♥ ger can ______ my _______.♥
♥ If I could describe ger in a word: _______.♥
♥ I hope ger never _____.♥
♥ I _____ ger because_____________.♥

Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her

Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...

Q. Two Chelsea fans jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground first?.
A. Who gives a F**K!

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.
Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.
Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved


Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!


I've heard that Stamford Park has arguably the best pitch in the Premiership. Well...not entirely suprising considering all the sh*t that has been on there.


Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.


The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Arsenal" are good enough to win the European Cup."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"