Magik

Happy Birthday Mark, SweetHeart! (12/23/67-7-10/05) You're forever loved & missed & will never be forgotten. :(

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Magik
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  • weiblich, 36, Herzchen 489
  • aus USA
  • Ich bin Single
  • Mitglied seit: February 2005
  • www.bebo.com/Erased_Over_Out

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Formerly known as Dysfunctional Design
I'm usually quiet & hardly talk unless 'forced';)
Leave a comment & I'll do my best to reply when I can.
The friends I have are ones I cherish.

I may not always be 'sociable' & reply back to comments, since I'm very busy with the groups, my site, The Crimson Gate & the HIM-Aholics community, Promoting HIM, etc. BUT! I will try to reply back as soon as time allows, tho' it might be late. Thank you for your understanding.

FYI- I DO NOT accept 'random' adds from people I do not know. If we've never talked in groups, etc., I'm not going to be accepting your add request. Sorry, but 'tis the way it is.;)
Think that's all you need to know. K'thnx.
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Sydän Tappajan

Sydän Tappajan

She's my CherubHeart! I love her to bits! :D

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  • Happy Birthday, Mark!

    23, Dec. 2009
    time is irrelevant

    Today is a day where there should be celebration of life... a day filled with laughter, hugs, smile & love. Only today, as it has been for the past 14 yrs. is filled with love, emptiness, sadness & the longing to have someone here that was taken away so long ago.

    Mark M. Deurmier was born on this day 42 yrs. ago. He, like myself struggled through his childhood & grew to be a better person because of it.

    A fateful day came when his & my paths crossed. Yes, we fell in love. Madly so. He was everything in the world to me as well as to all who knew him or were fortunate to meet him. He was so charismatic- you could feel his presence in the room. He had a smile...a laughter that lit up everything around him.

    I spent 4 1/2 yrs. as his wife. We had 3 beautiful babies together. We lived, we laughed, we loved...we were ONE. The world simply revolved & we were happy.

    Unfortunately, on July 10, 1995, he was selfishly taken away from me...our children. Our family was completely destroyed.

    During the weekend of before that day, we were apart. His mother poisoned him with the intent to kill him. Because she is the kind of person that is jealous of other people's happiness. And because of all the neglect & abuse she put him through as a child, he had nothing to do with her.

    He was admitted into the hospital late Sat. night, His mother didn't inform me of him being so sick...dying until Sun afternoon at 3:30. When we got to the hospital to see him, she had told the staff he was unmarried & had no children. I had to go back home to get our marriage certificate.

    The children & I got to spend 45 min. with him before they put him on a medical ventilator because he was having difficulty breathing. He went into a coma instantly. He never woke up.

    His acetaminophen (Tylenol) level in his body was over 59%. The Dr's told me that eventually his heart would stop. It was my decision to make on whether or not to have him resuscitated. I spent 7 A.M. That Mon. morning until 2:23 battling within myself what to do. When I finally told Mark that I loved him enough to just let him go, he died 10 min. later.

    That was over 14 yrs. ago. That sad day. The events never leave my mind, my thoughts. Esp. today when we know he should be here celebrating another year of life.

    Now, I've not blogged this for anyone to feel sorry. Its not your fault. I have this here to answer questions as well as to serve as a means for me to release some of the sadness that has been locked within me for all these yrs.

    I know some sadness will always remain. The scars will never fully heal. I know in my heart I could never...will never love anyone as much as him. I know its just not possible. He was my everything & no one could come close to what he was.

    There's so much I want to say, so much I want to release, but I know I can't. I'm afraid to lose him more if I do.

    Just know, if you truly love someone, cherish every moment you have with them. Cherish everything about them. Make sure to tell them how much you love them, how much you care. Tomorrow is always unknown....





    6 Kommentare 9 Stunden

  • Groups...

    14, Dec. 2009
    22:32:00 hrs.:

    Just a head's up, I have some groups I've completely left & they are no longer accessible & will be deleted with a week. No worries, the HIM groups are safe.;)

    Here they are:
    http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?Memb... (Unofficial Official Vam Worship Club)

    http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?Memb... (Jim Gaffigan- Beyond the Pale)

    http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?Memb... (PIMP Jared Leto Campaign)

    http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?Memb... (What's in Claudio's Hair)

    http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?Memb... (Who's In My Mouth-Plethora-of-Dane)

    http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?Memb... (Steven Marque Society)

    I know there are a couple other groups I've made but can't find right now that will join this list.
    If I could find the Private Drive one, that would be a start. lol

    Anyway...that's all for now.

    I'll be trying to catch up to comments tomorrow sometime. I've been ill & busy & not had a chance to be on here for very long except to post blogs in a few of the HIM groups.

    Take care, everyone!:DD

    *hugz*

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    0 Kommentare 9 Tage

  • Burnt Out

    5, Dec. 2009
    21:15:00 hrs.:

    Wow! Tonight, I thought I had the mood to crop some images for icons (avatars) & after 10, I realised that as far as graphic-making of any kind- I'm literally burnt out. I have no desire at all to do anything.:/

    With all the blogs I've posted in the past couple weeks, not just on groups here, but on my site, myspace, trig, mog, etc., as well as busting my arse promoting the best I can, I have come to the conclusion that in whole, I'm simply exhausted...wiped... burnt out... call it what you will.

    I'm going to take a couple days to recuperate if I can. This next week is going to be a killer, I'm sure.

    So...I'll reply once I get a chance to just get away from everything for a bit. If I see news, I'll post it in the blogs, but other than that, I can't give more of myself since right at this point, I feel there's really not much left.o_O

    My mods for the HIM-Aholics community- Hope you don't mind me asking you guys to keep an eye on things for a wee bit. If needed, tell everyone I'm taking a small break before I completely lose myself. Thank you. Love you tons!

    *hugz*

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    2 Kommentare 18 Tage

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PookieBear hat Kommentare in Magik's Blog geschrieben.
  2 Stunden her
Happy Birthday, Mark!
"Well its good that you told them the truth, no matter how brutal. Im in Family and Consumer Science class at school and we learn about telling your children of a close death (a father was an example as well). They said that you should just come out with it straight, no matter how young and that they deserve to know. They said that you shouldnt lie about what happened to them, or tell them a silly story, saying that they went away er something. You did the right thing ;) *hugz*"
Magik wants to know the TRUTH!
  2 Stunden her
Find out what people REALLY think about you!
 
Sydän Tappajan hat Kommentare in Magik's Blog geschrieben.
  6 Stunden her
Happy Birthday, Mark!
" :( Reading this makes me want to cry. I can't believe that someone would want to destroy other people's happiness. I know someone like that here, she doesnt kill but she makes up lies between families to break them up. I wouldnt even call those people a person, just a heartless living thing, thats all ii would say. This never happened to me, ii cannot even imagine how you felt then and feel now, making me think makes me shiver, :( All that happiness, and one person just takes it all away. If she didnt get her punishment then, she will eventually one day. I am so sorry Magik to hear this, it must be hard to go through this day every year, but adleast you remember him, and cherish the memories. I am pretty sure he is in a better place now, making someone else happy is a wonderful thing, and ii am sure he got the reward for that. *hugs* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
Magik hat einen Kommentar in ihren Blog geschrieben.
  10 Stunden her
Happy Birthday, Mark!
"I had to fight & even Mark's best friend had to help me to get his leather jacket back so he could be buried in it. The days leading up to his funeral was a mess.=/ As far as me, at the time, I was 21. I grew old fast that week. I know this & others witnessed it. I never once cried that week or for many yrs. after, only because I had to be strong for our babies. I never 'sugar-coated' what happened with them. I told them the brutal truth that day & every day after until the fully understood. I didn't want them to have false hope/ ideals of where daddy was. As far as me now, yes its brutal for my heart to remember every year. BUT! The part that hurts the most, is every year I forget another small detail about him- the sound of his voice, his laugh...his scent. That's why I say to cherish those you love. Memorise every bit of them the best you can.;) "
Magik hat einen Kommentar in ihren Blog geschrieben.
  11 Stunden her
Happy Birthday, Mark!
"Thank you, Sweeties. As for his mother, she was a sick, twisted, jealous-type of person. She treted people as if they 'owed' her something just for existing. Not once did she ever acknowledge his birthday or the birthday of our children. No worries. Karma kicked her in the arse: She slipped & fell in the tub 5 yrs. ago. Her body wasn't found for 2 weeks. Funny thing is, the day of his funeral, she bought a plot next to his grave. With her body being decayed, she was cremated. The cemetery doesn't allow urns to be buried. Not many went to her funeral. She had no love, no compassion in her heart. Hell, when we were at the hospital, just 2 hrs. before he died, she was in our apartment stealing ALL his clothes (even dirty ones) as well as other items of his. Her one 'favourite' son out of her 3, was helping her do this. He's not much different than her. So our kids don't have much from him, not many pictures or anything. "
PookieBear hat Kommentare in Magik's Blog geschrieben.
  11 Stunden her
Happy Birthday, Mark!
"Im so sorry Magik. I know its not my fault er anything but i feel sorrow for you. Thats a terrible way to lose somebody very close and imortant to you :( RIP"
Heartkiller hat Magik's Foto kommentiert.
  11 Stunden her
"I can imagine "
Magik hat ihr Foto kommentiert.
  11 Stunden her
"Thank you, Sweetie. This day is always a hard day. :( "
Magik hat einen Blogbeitrag geschrieben.
  11 Stunden her
Happy Birthday, Mark!
23, Dec. 2009
time is irrelevant

Today is a day where there should be celebration of life... a d
Heartkiller hat Magik's Foto kommentiert.
  12 Stunden her
"aww you poor darling, I hope you are okay honey"

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Sydän Tappajan

Aww. Thank you, Izzy. I'm deeply touched, honoured & humbled.

Now, its my turn for you:
Izzy, you're like my sister. I't's been forever since I've you her as a friend on here & I would never, EVER change meeting you for the world. You're awesome, too! People are just NOW starting to realise that.

You are possibly the best 'best friend' one could ever have. You're understanding, sweet & have a wicked sense of humour...
...And great taste in music. And that's only the beginning.

You have been supportive of me in everything I've attempted to do- the groups, graphics, etc. BUT, beyond that,
you have been the only one who has really stood by me when others have dragged me into their drama & fighting. I can never thank you enough for that, CherubHeart. You are the one who I stay on Bebo for. You are the main one that gives me the drive to continue with the HIM groups I've created & share with you. HIM are lucky to have a fan like you as well.

Thank you for being the awesome person you are & being the most amazing friend a person could wish for.
Thank you for just being you. If ever you need me, I'm always here to the best of my abilities.

Love you a bushel & a peck with a hug 'round the neck!

*hugz*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  • PookieBear
    luv PookieBear

    Droppin by with some LOOOOOOOVE!!! Cuz some people need it more than others :L ;)

    *hugz*
    God i fuckin love that shirt!! :L

    1 Stunde her
  • Sydän Tappajan
    luv Sydän Tappajan

    =/

    Magik, don't worry about what happened with me and my family :)
    It was something un-fair and stupid, but theres nothing ii can do either. Well, ii hope that my family has a more better time then. :/

    *hugs*

    Heres some love xox

    6 Stunden her
  • Sydän Tappajan
    luv Sydän Tappajan



    Please ignore my username :L :L :L :L :L
    Me and Abbie was having a HIM game, and ii lost!!

    5 Tage her
  • Sydän Tappajan
    Sydän Tappajan

    =)

    I still owe you love though :D You can't run away from me :D :D

    Well to me, thats how ii see myself. lol. :O
    You stripped down my photo, you stripper!!! lol Just Joking!! :L :L Nah ii don't mind :)
    Yeah ii got all there contact details, phone, home phones, msn, address. lol
    I didnt ask for everything they just gave it :L
    He sounds like a good photographer, his photos are really cool :)
    Yes ii am deleting people, don't worry not you! I am deleting the people that adds me and they never speak to me. EVER!! Like whats the point of adding?
    They just add so they can have more people in there list! I only delete those people.

    At the moment ii am extremely tired, ii went to bed at 8am and woke up at 10am to go to my friends house, and just came back now.
    I am going to go to bed early tonight :P

    Btw, lol at your saying "I need balls.. Christmas balls they are" < something like that. lmao

    *hugs*

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    1 Woche her
  • Heartkiller
    Heartkiller

    Heyya
    I haven't commented you for a while so I thought I shall :)) , so how are you?? I'm still using your HIM skins :DD .
    *hugs and kisses*
    xxx

    1 Woche her
  • Sydän Tappajan
    Sydän Tappajan

    =)

    Thankyou for the love! I owe you it :)
    lol. I can tell, if ii tried to do something like that ii would properly end up breaking the computer :L :L :L
    My dp?? Uhh.. lol.
    Yeah the one on the right is me, the ugly one. Haha, ii look weird, it was on the way to Canberra. It was heaps fun there, ii met about 7 other HIM fans on the bus, they were all guys :D but unfortunetly discovered them on the way back home :(

    Ahh ii like that photo, is that a new photo? Ville looks heaps young there though :/

    *hugs*

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    1 Woche her
  • PookieBear
    luv PookieBear

    OMG Thank you. I teared up so much when i read everything :( It means a lot, it really does.
    Yeah, its been great. Got the new Harry Potter movie :L :L If that doesnt make me sounds like a geek. And a new Happy Potter shirt :L :L I wore i while i watched the movie :L :L :L Im a loser :DD

    Thanks again Magik :* :* :* :* :*

    *hugz*

    1 Woche her
  • Sydän Tappajan
    luv Sydän Tappajan

    Agent Magik??

    :L :L :L :L :L :L :L :L :L :L :L :L :L :L

    2 Wochen her
  • Vicky Christie
    luv Vicky Christie

    Hi magic when i tryed to use heartkiller as a ringtone it was rubbish but i wouid still bye the origonal. I buy all origionals and got all cds and singles from the very begining i woudent want to upset ville am a true devoted fan. And have to but all that gets reliesed i buy 2 of every releace. As 1 to listen too and the other is for my collection that does not get touched people say am daft. But it gives the band more sales. I like to listen and collect sorry i dont haif harp on. Have a great day vicky x

    2 Wochen her via Handy
  • Sydän Tappajan
    luv Sydän Tappajan

    =)

    Hey!!
    I am back at last... ii came like 10 minutes ago after a 24 hour drive. Things were amazing.. and the people ii had met :) :) :) :)
    I have so much to tell you.
    + did you get that pic ii made you?

    *hugs*

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    2 Wochen her
  • EmilyEnigma.
    EmilyEnigma.

    I HAVE MY HIM TICKETS :DD :DD

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    3 Wochen her
  • PookieBear
    PookieBear

    Yeah i noticed :DD

    3 Wochen her
  • PookieBear
    PookieBear

    Munchin??? Sounds like a midget :L

    3 Wochen her
  • PookieBear
    PookieBear

    Nah ive known that there was something wrong with you all along...That is why were friends, right??:L
    Oh, Matt saw it...He likes it :P IDK why...he said that it sounded like a name you would give a puppy dog :L

    3 Wochen her
  • PookieBear
    luv PookieBear

    Yeah...I think im gonna keep it for quite some time....:L :L :L It just fits :DD

    3 Wochen her
  • C.Marie McA
    luv C.Marie McA

    Some love for my sexi lady :) missing you lots jelly tots... lol nearly said tits there, lol hows you my love?

    Not long till Christmas, what a killer like, i haven't even started my xmas shopping, i still need to buy my HIM tickets, and alsoooooooo save for Dundee and HIM, just far to much going on.

    Getting my own place to can't wait.

    Oh and as random as this is but i really am going through a strange stage where i want a baby, i even am dreaming of me giving birth xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     xxxx

    3 Wochen her
  • Abbiero.
    luv Abbiero.


    Hello there. :)
    I just wanted to stop by and say hi.
    And holy fuck! Excuse the language
    but I've been looking at all these
    new pictures of Ville and OHMYGOD.
    I think I nearly fainted of a 'omg-ville-is
    -so-amazing-overload'!
    Gaaah, what a beautiful man.
    I'm sorry I haven't been on HIM-aholics
    in ages. :( We've been having major
    internet troubles at my house, and only
    certain sites work.. I got on the other
    day for about 2 minutes before it crashed
    my computer. :/ I'll pinch my friends internet
    or something soon, and catch up with
    everyone. Have some love!

    xo.

    3 Wochen her
  • PookieBear
    luv PookieBear

    :L :L :L :L I just said that to get your attention...Do you have Bam's new book, Serious as Dog Dirt?? It has some pics of Ville in it, and i wondered if you wanted it

    *hugz*

    And i hope that you have a nice week too, once you feel better, i mean...:P

    3 Wochen her
  • Heartkiller
    luv Heartkiller

    Aww that is such a sweet message thank you hun :))
    *hugs*
    xxx

    3 Wochen her
  • Razor Skin
    luv Razor Skin

    here's some love my dear

    4 Wochen her