Its official guys, you continue to make these mistakes time and time again.....will you ever learn?! Its ok, we are on hand to inform you of your weaknesses so that you can prevent them from ever happening again- thus becomming the perfect lover!

Girls......feel free to add your own, the boys need all the help they can get

1.No matter how skinny we are, NEVER feel our back-fat whilst making love

2.Do NOT lean on our hair

3.Be careful with the nipples

4.Don’t ever feel our legs because there is a chance we haven’t shaved them and we will be VERY aware of that fact

5.Fanny farts are your fault, not ours

6.But it helps if you laugh afterwards because then we don’t feel so embarrassed

7.In the morning, do us a favour and leave the room for a couple of minutes because no matter how sexy we look naked or how much we need the toilet we will be very conscious about getting out of the bed in front of you

8.Don’t sweat so much!

9.Phrases such as ‘you drive me nuts’ and ‘fuck fuck fuck’ are banned

10.Do not rip our underwear off – chances are we spent about 3 hours trying to decide which underwear to wear and we would really appreciate it if you noticed. Perhaps a ‘that underwear looks really sexy’ would be good

11.Our private areas are to be treated with respect, you are in no means allowed to treat it like it is your last meal

12.Some girls just dont like morning sex (but some do)....so if you are getting the signs that she is up for it then fair play, but it should be quite blatantly obvious when morning sex is not on the cards - so pack it in and go and put the kettle on

13.….and please don’t attempt to try and do stupid positions like wrapping our legs around our head first thing in the morning cause we are still pretty stiff

14.The key is to kiss our neck, not eat our ears….

15.….and don’t kiss the same place for ages cause it get pretty boring

16.Feet are a no go area

17.What gives you the right to think you can go anywhere near our arse for the first 10 times we have sex……

18.….but don’t be surprised if we go near yours (cause you know you love it)

19.Don’t push our heads down when you want head, cause the chances are we will get pissed off and probably spit your load in your mouth

20.When we are on top, just lie there and enjoy…..don’t start thrusting because then we lose the rhythm and feel like we are about as crap as a virgin (and any chances of us enjoying it have just gone out of the window)

21.Candles and music are good, lights on is a big no no

22. A girl should shudder a bit after she has come (if she doesn’t, you have failed and she will be annoyed)

23.Cupping the face makes us feel special

24.Find out if she has any injuries, then you can reduce the risk of hurting her…..

25.……but pain is sometimes good, just in a certain way

26.If the covers start to fall off the bed, pull them back over as we will be very conscious of the fact that we are in full view

27.Don’t try and take our bra off unless you know for sure you can do it….this leads to a highly embarrassing pause

28.Don’t try and pick us up, no matter how small we are we are at least 8 stone….and if it is less then check ID immediately

29.Know your own strengths, if you are crap at certain things then don’t even go there

30.Don’t say thank you afterwards because then we feel like prostitutes

31.No turning your back on us after sex

32.No morning kisses (we will probably be fully aware of bad breath particularly if we have been smoking/drinking/giving head)

33.Turn round temporarily so that we can wipe the mascara shit out of our eyes

34.Foreplay is essential – if you go straight in for the kill you a re likely to lose major points (and be gentle)

35.Always make sure there are tissues on hand

36.If you try and make us come too early we will not be interested in what’s to follow, but if

Oh Bold Sir John was young and fair, and Bold Sir John was gay
He said "I'll tread the morning dew, to take the air and listen to
The twittering of the birds all day, the bumble bees at play"
The twit! The twit! The twit! The twit! the twittering of the birds all day
The bum! The bum! The bum! The bum! the bumble bees at play

So Bold Sir John he went his way, observing natures farce
"Dear mother earth oh tell me pray, why elephants live so long they say
Your flies live but a day then they, drop dead upon the grass"
Your flies! Your flies! Your flies! Your flies! your flies live but a day then they
Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! Drop dead! drop dead upon the grass

Now Bold Sir John he met a maid, as on her back she lay
"Please show respect and come not near, for I've seen may a maiden here
Get lost among the new mown hay, so doff your hat I pray"
Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! Get lost! get lost among the new mown hay
Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! Sod off! so doff your hat I pray

When Bold Sir John return-ed home, they gave him gin to try,
"Nay fill me not with liquor up, nor give me grain nor grape to sup,
Pour cowslips dew into my cup, a puritan am I"
Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A puritan am I

Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Poor cow! Pour cowslips dew into my cup
Up you! Up you! Up you! Up you! A puritan am I

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF....

» I committed suicide:
» I said I loved you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face: pretty
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Self:

OTHER STUFF...
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you do me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Have you ever hurt me?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Have you ever been mad at me?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] What when you hear it, reminds you of me?
[32] Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?