Oooh dear. Some advice from you would go down a treat right now. xx always for me (:

x

I have a sore tummy, but you know what made me laugh and smile it off...

your photo albums.

Missing you.

Another month gone by. I hate it with out you. It's so hard to just pick up and move on sometimes. All my friends hate me. I'd usually have a chat to you about now and you'd say something funny and cheer me up. I don't know what to do. no one tells me anything anymore they're all so secretive and don't want me around. People say i'm their 'best friend' but then don't tell me stuff ever. i'm just an object. i want out. i don't know what to do. i miss you so much.

not a day goes by when idont stop and think about you sweetie .
life will never be the same again . you missed out on so much . but iguess you never really thought about that aye .
but thats none of my business . sorry . ihope your happy now , you finally got what you wanted . even though ipersonally think you had so much going for you . genes been and gone , ihate it so much hun . imiss him more than anything , ilove him so fucking much but he chooses not to listen when itry and say it ., igive up trying . icant win . then there was adam , then jakey . (jake bishop) then bradley then stevie . im in love with stevie now , but he doesnt seem to realese it either . why do all the good guys go ? imiss you hun .
love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

they do all these things yet still get angry if i don't name them first or tell them 24/7 how much they mean to me. It feels like if i disappeared nobody would care. they'd just feel relieved that it's one less person to sneak around. Why do i feel so worthless when 'friends' are supposed to make you feel like the most important person in their eyes. i need a friend. someone to care.

i miss you.

People fucking suck.
It's shit because lets be honest no one really gives a fuck how i am. Everything i do is taken too seriously and people should just fuck off. You're about the only person who'll understand why i'm so mad.
My so called 'friends' keep secrets from me don't tell me when they first kiss some guy they like or don't tell me when they start going out with someone. I feel so alone because no one cares how anything makes others feel. all i hear is "i can't talk to anyone." Fuck off you can't talk to anyone you can talk to me and you know you can you just don't want to talk to me coz you nkow that every second you lie or sneak around you're hurting me. everyone is living for themselves when there are other people who need to be taken into account and i'm not saying that "other people" are me, i'm saying that it fucking sucks that people sneak around behind peoples backs not caring who they hurt and people telling lies not caring who they hurt.

x

I always hear alot of mean comments about people who knew you, and their relationship with you. I wish everyone would stop and just remember everything good that happened in your life and stopped betching about what certain people did in your lifetime that was bad. Your a good guy, and you've done many good things in your life... I know you have everytime I used to text Ryan, he always used to talk about you like you were the coolest thing since bread, and how much he misses you. Everyone misses you. I know your secret about me... just so you know... I totally had one on you too LOL nothing serious or anything, but still I totally though that you were (but shh) haha, awah im such a dork.

xO

have another love, just cause your profile has put me in a happy mood

...It was only you that did that, and if ever something like that comes close to being exactly the same, I never think of the person who is saying it to me, or doing it to me... I automatically get flashbacks of you. I think that happens to everyone still though. Doesn't suprise me since you were and still are loved very VERY much, beyond any verbal or physical communication... fcuk, even I wouldn't know... but I know OF it...Have a love. Just because you've taught everybody alot, and although your not be here to hear me say this, but I really think, that, that is an admirable thing, to help other's learn from your mistakes. I still wish you could have been here though to teach them in person.That would have been better for you and for all of us, But we can't erase the past, although sometimes, I wish I could, just too see you smile and see my friends smile like they used to...again.

aw.. yeah I miss you. maybe not as much as the other people, but I still miss you, and that's my point.

I guess it's not the amount of times we hung out, or the amount of tickles you gave me whistle squishing Yvette into Alex's sofa... or when you accidentally kicked my groin when we all went to the Mainfeild fireworks at the end of 2007 and though I was Liv so you laughed...or when you accidentally spit in my eye at the end of year picnic at the park at the end of 2007 then knocked over the "love" fern... or when I was waiting for my turn on singstar and you sat on me cause you thought I was Yvette...I guess it's just about all the good memories those weird memories I just mentioned, brought to my life, and still make me smile...

Pretty much i'm sick again, as always..
Hahaha i'm doing a show called Spamalot its a mock musical of the Holy Grail and i remember watching that with you it was one of the main reasons i auditioned. I'm having a really great time doing it and i can't wait to perform it to the public because anyone who knows me will know i'm up there doing it all for you.
Much love x

Heyy!

Me and Ryan are pretty cool now.

Everytime we hang out, we talk about you one way or the other, you just come up like some fetish wanting to escape my inner core. But It's ok, we talk about stuff you used to do to crack us up... like shoving oranges down your top etc...

It was fun that one time with Ryan, cause we were so happy watching crap on MSN go down and thinking about you.

It was fun times

Hope your swell, I didn't really want to talk about your 1 year cause I didn't know what to say, which is pretty pathetic of me, I just don't want to blubber on to you about all my hormonal girley issues lol! I know how guys don't deal with that all too well.

It was nice talking to you again. xOx

So.. I hope you got our letters the other day (: mine didnt really say that much but i hope you got it anyway cos it had some pretty important stuff in it. I hope your okay (: id better go finish making tea or the pasta will burn lol but thats okay xox

Yvettes comment says it all.



i can't believe it's been a year... so much has changed

xoxo

Today i came to the realisation that in exactly a year 2 people close to me have died by suicide and another attempted. I think, it's easier for me to hold on to being young and 'immature' because it helps me deal with the 5 funerals i've been to in a year. loosing you, loosing my aunty, my friends mother, my uncle and my baby cousin really, really damaged me and it's hard to feel whole again after so much loss. But if i've learnt anything it's that if you have the right people around you, you can survive anything. Thankyou for showing me who my real friends are x

Miss You Man
Today was kinda sad
Sorry I Wasn't There For You More!!

Someone told me and alex that "we played a major part in your death"

but we didn't did we???

Did we really or is the person just tryign to destroy us? coz if he is he can't have been the person i thought he was.

i hate this.

i miss you

i'm freaking out.

i know i've said it a million times over but i'm sorry. i love you.