Ron Burgundy: [to dog] You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

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Ron Burgundy: I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...

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Frank Vitchard: I am gonna straight-up murder your ass.

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Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people
Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot's dick.

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Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.
Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

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Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

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Veronica Corningstone: This is pathetic.
Ron Burgundy: You're pathetic.

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Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.
[to the Panda]
Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk.
Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.

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Veronica Corningstone: Take me to Pleasure Town.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, we're going there.

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Ron Burgundy: [riding unicorns through cartoon Pleasure Town] Look, the most glorious rainbow ever.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh. Do me on it.

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Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.
[opens cologne cabinet]
Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.
Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.
Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.
Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.
Brian Fanta

There you are
As you always were
In bathing light
And naked blur
You're a part of me
Eternal One
By grand design
And setting sun
If you wait I will wait
Taste I will taste
If you love I will love
Run I will run
To my last breath
Last night I turned around and thought I saw myself turning
Inside the strangest dream of life unloved and cities burning
Awake in my arms
You cry unharmed
Our age of the hours
While they still devour all
So take it all
I doubt if we
Will know it's gone
Cause we've been here
Since time began
Begged god awake and make these plans
Wound opens
Reveal this broken man
And soon there's notions of blood on his hands
If you wait I will wait
Taste I will taste
If you love I will love
Run I will run
To my last breath
Last night I turned around I thought I saw myself turning
Last night I turned around and thought I watched the world ending
Inside the crushing down I felt a pang the tide was turning
Destroyed in the wake
The jealous ingrates
Who'll tear this world down
To spite god above
With his own love
With his own love
If you wait
If you wait
If you wait I will wait
Taste I will taste
If you love I will Love
Run I will run
To my last breathe

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.