I have friends that are married..they all tell me "it takes work" i tell them love is not work.."oh but it is" i am told.."love brings pain jay". I say.."no, rejection brings pain, rejection from love, or from the person you love. but before the rejection, i say, there is something else. An ability to see the other ones needs. or, a decision to put your needs aside when they are not being met. to all of this there are unforseen consequences. when you are in love you meet each others needs. you forgive. Because you value this substance that cannot be found in a bottle of fake spirits or of perfume why do we stop holding it dear? looking at the person that brought you to the highest highs at one time, you ask, how did we get here? a land where lovers starve.
Love is ever changing. not all lovers were meant to be together through their whole life. some of us prepare a lover for their next relationship. some of us have gone as far as we want to go in another relationship. some of us dont want to bail but we cant seem to restart the engine to pull ourselves out of the depths. but when love is what propels you, for your mate as well as yourself, then you find the right answer.

Nihilism is not a plane of existence. Nihilism spikes through onto this plane, its chords gripping a human and then infecting. the infection makes its way on neural pathways-the human,unsuspecting. these humans then proceed to infect and debilitate a person who is beginning to make positive changes in their life, because the infector cannot bear those who choose to create with life, those who are striving to pull themselves out of victimization. so they attack. they spew accusations or catchy rhetoric to the unaware. beware. they can begin to put you on a defense and that which is true. the 'he said' or 'she said' of it all is a trap. a trap of smoke and mirrors. where have i been? the minds disminishing wisdom submits to discrediting truth or discrediting those i should trust. why do i interrogate those i trust? when i ask myself this i know the infection has begun.

May the lightening storm bring me peace.
I am willing the pilot to get closer.
The charged bolts of spindly circuitry
are contained within a squad of clouds-
think cheerleaders' pom poms from team ether.
I need a jolt. An argument with a scary
female breed in the duty-free may cure my
need-to-shop-almost-now fever, which some
guys are known to come down with more
than once a month.
I look around for jennine to neutralize.
for abby to have my back. for jonathan to
commiserate with after the insanity, and
finally tori to make sense of the dark world
that would give me a reason, any reason to hope.
But not today. No, Scheduling...
They were not on my flight.
I was alone.