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Male, 26,
47
- from Aberdeen
- I am Single
- Profile views: 8,414
- Last active: 2/9/11
- www.bebo.com/shaggy_FTM
- Tagline
- MMEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!!
- Me, Myself, and I
- A rollercoaster of a life. Born in Norway to a couple of retarded fish mongers. I (allegedly) arrived in the UK in a freight container, on a ferry, with my parents so we could get past customs and excise. My first breaths of British air were when my parents were doing a runner from the Customs officers, with me in their arms, after our container was searched. I then landed in Sunderland where I was given my false birth certificate and passport. They both still work to this day... Its a good forgery, so I must give credit to the local gang culture they are top blokes! I was also given cosmetic surgery to change my appearance..... for the worse, I then landed up in Aberdeen via the back of a lorry....
- Music
- Futureheads, Biffy Clyro, Secret Machines, Sigur Ros, Editors, Bloc Party, Enter Shikari S.O.A.D (it fairly wakes you up in the mornin'!), The Cribs, The Libertines, We Are Scientists, Jimmy Eat World, The Smiths, The Long Blondes, RATM, Nirvana, Bullet For My Valentine, FFAF, The Subways, Metallica, Blink 182, Drive-by Argument. special mention AC/DC who are utter legends. NO DANCE MUSIC
- Films
- Stupid comedies like Borat, Dodgeball, Anchorman, Wedding Crashers, Team America etc... I don't tend to bother with serious films or I will fall asleep. Inside Man very good. War films r OK as well. I find people getting shot or blown up in films very funny for some reason. Murderball rather good film about wheelchair rugby
- Sports
- Rugby Union, Football or fitba depending on where your from. I support Sunderland AFC. FTM! Cricket is also a winner (unless Niall bowls the ball at ur head!)
- Scared Of
- Heights and have a very mild hatred of flying which is kind of linked to the fear of heights. I probably wouldnt be too handy as a snake charmer either!
- Happiest When
- Asleep ( or in bed for all those picky bastards that moan and say "how do you know your happy when your asleep"), drunk, watching Neighbours. Having food fights at rugby club dinners. Falling off tables in O'Neills, "singing" Status Quo at karaoke and bein unable to remember it and being hammered at tesco at 3am!
- Penguins
- Are fuckin hilarious
close Polls
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Sunderlands finish this season
- Champions we are goin to romp it
- 2nd
- 3rd and lose in the play offs AGAIN
- 4th
- outside play-offs/ who gives a shit about Sunderland!?
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- Heads down thumbs up
- hangman
- naughts and crosses
- hide and seek
- tig and tag
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- Lager
- A Pint o' Bitter
- Guinness
- Real Ale
- Neither I havent seen the light .
close Blog
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The Falklands Derby...
Definition.... A violent and passionate derby between myself and a Mr Ian Derrick. Me as England and I.D as the Argies. At PES
Ian loves his gay 5-4-1 counter attack formation as he knows he cannot contain my fast pace and fancy play. LIES! but I like to think that is true.
Keep checkin Ian's blog for official scores and results from our fierce encounters
4 Comments 363 weeks
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The Beer Scooter
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking
and thought
'How on earth did I get home?'
and as hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from
the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter!
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport,
owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine.
Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices.
The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:-
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland"
begins to give off a pheromone.
Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and
sends down a winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and
deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans- Dimensional Portal.
This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket
cash is taken as payment.
Which answers your second question after a night out
'How did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to
be responsible
for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip.
The nature of Trans-dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost,
seemingly unaccounted for. Which answers your third question after a night
out
'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on,
that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time
regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another
and quite
often lost time is regained in discussions with other users over a period
of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
scooter's navigation system
to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with
horrific consequences.
With recent models including a GPS,
Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in
half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered ??
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden
and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a
way that no matter
how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other
half.
Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the
house and
the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised
shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System).
This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights
in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub
in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt. so true.
3 Comments 367 weeks
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Next Person to Forward me a bebo is closing down email will
GET THEIR EYEBALLS SCOOPED OUT WITH A SPOON AND HAVE THEM INSERTED SWIFTLY UP THEIR BUM HOLE!! Then I will hang u from a lampost if thats OK with u.
Jokes and other hilarious things are acceptable0 Comments 367 weeks
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close Freekick Fusion
What Scottish football team do you support?
My result is: Aberdeen
What is your usual mood????
Who is your Disney Prince? (girlz only)
Which Avril Lavigne song is you?
What Type Of Guy Are You
are you pretty or darn right ugly?
Try On the Hogwarts Sorting Hat.
wat will ur next boyfriends nmae start with
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close What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?
What Kind of Guy Will You Fall For?
My result is: You would fall for the sensitive guy.
What Type of Heart Do You Have?
Are You Sexy, Flirty, or a Slut?
What's your kissing style?
what model are you?
Who's Your Perfect Celeb Mate?
Whats yuurh real name?
what will your baby girl look like
how interesting are you?
What colour best suits your personality?
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close What Semi-Obscure Simpsons Character Are You?
What Semi-Obscure Simpsons Character Are You?
My result is: Agnes Skinner
You're such an overbearing mother that your adult son spends more time with you than with his girlfriend. Lay off the poor guy already!
What Type of Heart Do You Have?
Are You Sexy, Flirty, or a Slut?
Which Celeb Are You? (GIRLS ONLY)
WHAT GRADE R U?
NICK-NAME DECIDER
Whats your love song?
which footie team are you most likely to play for
Christmas Wish
Hun or Tim
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close What Beer Are You?
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close Comments
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Katy McIntyre1/23/10drink scrooge!
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Cherz Kennedy8/25/09Man up it is lol. She's fairly getting about now which is good to see coz we were concerned about her for a while coz she was really down and not her usual chirpy self... which I guess is understandable given her circumstances. Now she's more or less back to her usual "blonde" self which is entertaining. I reckon i'll be glad to get back to work part-time after 9 months, there's only so much excitement in sleepless nights and dirty nappies before it becomes a chore lol x
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Cherz Kennedy8/23/09
I'm sure u'll get used the flying since u do it often enough... not like u'll have much choice otherwise lol. Howz ur mum getting on at home? She seems fairly chuffed that she's back to work... god knows why though, i'm glad that's me off for the next 9 months!
x
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Cherz Kennedy8/22/09
I wish males could give birth, that'd be ace coz i wouldn't hesitate in having more kids lol. U travel alot with ur work, but u don't like flying. Hmm.... that must suck. So where's the next destination?
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Neil Wilkie8/22/09
yo hows things ?am good thanks flat really good u will have to come up and see it some time. junior here in under 4 wk so it all go. hows the job going?
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Cherz Kennedy8/21/09
I was hoping you'd have lied there and said "No i've heard it's the easiest bit" lol. Not bad thanks. Howz the international jet setting job going?
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7/15/09
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Joanne Lorenson6/12/09I see makes sense. And no we don't have guns in hendon. We have big pieces of wood with nails in them and screwdrivers and hammers. Gawd don't you know nothing. Haha. Our Phil is over in New york atm. Lucky git. x
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Dave Gauld6/2/09I blame sky givin dodgy info never minds! Bruce ye really want that plank of wood tae be yer manager, fit happened to Ellis Shorts statement of intent to get in a top manager! Still better than the toons choice of manager(s) tho i guess!
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Dave Gauld5/31/09
Hows tricks? you must be lovin life at the the moment Mags and boro both down! Stuck a tenner on Mancini to be your new gafffer at 2:10pm today got 6/1 on him, less than than an hour later the odds were slashed to 3/1, less half an hour after that he went 7/4. at vcbet.com. Stuck a double of McGhee to the Dons and Mowbray to the tims on wed night.
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Joanne Lorenson5/30/09
i was in glasgow for an X-Factor audition coz manchester said no coz i dont have the right figure or look and in glasgow i went and got told no but you have an amazing voice but dont have the right figure for a voice like that. but never mind. erm well not realli had a bar crawl thing last night with the uni i dont even go to but i dont think many people tht were on it did haha but yea that about it like why did u go all the way to NYC just to fire some guns?
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Joanne Lorenson5/27/09
hey hey hey! hows things u been up 2 much? and glasgow coppers suck ass man they well sent me the wrong way lol also i have realised u r like the only scottish accent i understand haha rather amusing really write back
x
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Mike5/19/09Hahahaha, i get you now! Yeah its mine! So fucking sexy eh!!
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Mike5/19/09
Hahaha tell me about it! And what u on about with my car?
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Mike5/19/09
I want to say your going down! But it looks the other way round
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5/14/09
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Andrew Morris5/9/09hey bud.how is things.hope all going well.not seen u in awhile.say hello to your mum from me.
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Gavin4/1/09Next time we play soccer I feel it will be more organised! And Ian Derrick will be involved... majorly involved...
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3/16/09
Andrew Morris
i am nae bad.how are you.what exotic places you been to now.lolhave some luv back buddy
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Yauzer3/12/09what!! why didnt u get the gt type r?!! the 19 inch wheels alone are 1 reason why u shud buy one!!
ya love it cunt
Ian Derrick 0 Repliesjust to be a nob
Gavin 0 RepliesOne day graeme! one day we will find this perfect jumper for you!!!! Until that day comes just look at this and dream! xxxxxx
Katy McIntyre 0 Replies