>GHOST POO:
>
>You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper but not in the
>toilet. Where is it?
>
>TEFLON POO:
>
>So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No Trace of poo on the toilet
>paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
>
>GOO POO:
>
>This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't
>come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't
>soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the bowl.
>
>SECOND THOUGHTS POO:
>
>You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise there's more
>to come.
>
>POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO:
>
>This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until
>you are all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
>
>WEIGHT WATCHERS POO:
>
>You poo so much that you lose several kilograms.
>
>RIGHT NOW POO:
>
>You'd better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there
>and it usually gets it's head out before you can get your pants down.
>
>KING KONG POO:
>
>This one's so big you don't think it will go down the toilet unless you
>break it into smaller chunks. A wire coathanger usually does the job. This
>kind of poo usually happens in someone else's house.
>
>CORK POO:
>
>Also known as 'floaters'; even after the third flush it's still there,
>floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
>
>WET CHEEKS POO:
>
>This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the
>launching of the QEII soaking your starfish.
>
>WISH POO:
>
>You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.
>
>CEMENT BLOCK POO:
>
>You wish you had got an epidural injection before you pooed.
>
>SNAKE POO:
>
>This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 foot
>long.
>
>THE MORNING AFTER POO:
>
>Happens the morning after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell
>that bad, but THIS ONE ... usually you're at someone else's house (often
>a
>girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside the
>
>bathroom.
>
>MEXICAN FOOD POO:
>
>Also called 'screamers' or 'ring stingers'; you know it's safe to eat again
>when your arse stops burning.
>
>TNT POO:
>
>This one explodes and deposits poo all round the bowl. Works best if you
>have been eating either sweetcorn or peanuts as it produces a nice pebble
>dashed effect.

Girls+drinking(so true!!)
WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............
1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.. and for some
reason, that's ok.

2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling
our butts while yelling "WOO-HOO" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someone's ass and
honestly believe we could do it too.

4. In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like
a homeless hooker than the goddess we started out as just 4 hours ago.

5. We drop our 3am submarine sandwich/pizza slice/poutine on the
floor, pick it up and continue eating it like its >>nobody's
business.

6.We start crying and declare to everyone we see, including
people we barely know, that we love them SOOOO MUCH. hah this def sounds familiar!!lol

7. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new
song comes on because "OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. We're suddenly full of profound spiritual wisdom... and so is
the geek next to
us.

9. We don't see anything wrong with making out with
profs/co-workers/boss or ahem alot of our fellow college boys should they be around

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, get up on the table or bar and start to sing or dance becomes strangely
overwhelming to us.

11. Our eyes just won't seem to stay open by themselves, so we keep them half closed and think it looks incredibly sexy.

12. We've suddenly taken up smoking and we believe we're really good at it

13. We yell at the bartender who we believe has cheated us by
giving us just orange juice, but that's just because we can no longer taste the vodka.

14. We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like
the floor.. or like the mop.

15. We start every conversation with a slurred "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

16. We fail to notice that the toilet lid is down before we sit on it.

17. Our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. We are tired, but we are troopers so instead of going >>home,
we just sit on the floor wherever we are standing and take a
quick nap.

19. We begin leaving the buttons open on our button fly jeans to cut down on the time we're in the bathroom away from our drink.

20. We take our shoes off because a) they're ridiculously
impractical.. but soo beautiful! b) We believe it's the shoes'
fault that we can't walk straight.

21. We feel oddly comfortable sitting on the toilet peeing while having a full blown conversation with each other.

22. No matter what got broken, thrown up on, stolen, no matter
who said what or who went home with whoever else - we ALWAYS call
each other the next day.

1 Comment 22 days ago



D4 syndrome
ARE YOU: experiencing an unexplained urge to wear dubes? wearing pregnancy pants? using the phases "o.m.g"/"f.y.i", or the dreaded "err"?? are you having trouble with vowel sounds, eg sayin "mon" instead of "man" or even "con" instead of "can"? finding yourself putting an extra "o" on the end of words, eg "heino" or "stillorgo"? Do you find you look exactly the same as every1 in your school? Do you go out of your way 2 buy orange paint and use is on your face instead of a small helping of make-up? Do you find yourself wearing UGG-BOOTS??

IF SO: YOU could be contracting a rare and annoying disease known as "d4 syndrome".

Cases of the disease have already been witnessed in St.Andrews, Loretto dalkey, Holy child Killiney and Manor Houuse, and it was believed that this disease originated in the INSTITUTE!!!

The cure: don't wear dubes, pants that are way 2 big for you, and for gods sake talk normally! calm it down with the make up !

Hangover Ratings


1 star hangover

No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.

You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka and Red Bulls.

However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.

Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.


2 star hangover

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.

The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.

Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.


3 star hangover

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.

Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a kebab and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 chicken nuggets and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.





4 star hangover

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a cheeseburger and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.


5 star hangover

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.

Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.

You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.

Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.


6 star hangover

You arrive home and climb into bed.

Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.

You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.

You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.

No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.

You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.

After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.

If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises,