Chuck Norris Had Sex In His Truck, Some Sperm Escaped And Got Into The Engine.... We Now That Truck As Optimus Prime

On The Seventh Day God Rested, And Chuck Norris Took Over

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris Has Been Dead For 3 Years Now, The Grim Reaper Is Just To Scared To Tell Him

When Chuck Norris Swims He Doesn't Get Wet, The Water Gets Chuck Norris'd

There Is No Theory Of Evolution, Only Animals Chuck Norris Let Live

Chuck Norris Has No Hair On His Balls, Because Hair Doesn;t Grow On Steel

There Is No April 1st On Chuck Norris' Calender, Bcoz No1 Can Fool Chuck Norris