FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit."

FAKE FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out

FAKE FRIENDS: Will read this.
REAL FRIENDS: Will steal this, just like i did!

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his
age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit
about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered
what it was and how it was done. One day he took his
question to his mother, who became rather flustered.

Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide
behind the curtains one night and watch his older
sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning,
Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. Sis and
her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he
turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing
and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be getting sick,
because her face started looking funny. He must have
thought so too, because he put his hand inside her
blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor
would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because
he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess
he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of
them started panting and getting all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold because he put it
under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and
began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide
down toward the end of the couch. This was when her
fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told
him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was
making them so sick.

A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway he
grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got
big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling
out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the
biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about
the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis
got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head
off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands
and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his
pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it
from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so
she could get a scissor-lock on it and she
helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a
hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing
and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they
wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.
After a while
they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her
boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the
eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some
of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend
were a little tired from the battle, but they went
back to courting anyway. He started hugging and
kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It
jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess
eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something.
This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by
sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they
finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I
saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it
down the toilet!