It all happend one hot Summers day.
Billy was sitting, waiting in Imprea (aka the Milf Mobile) @ the fantastical meeting ground of Raquets also known as Te Pai Courts as it is called in Maori, when all of a sudden a loud bang bang ratatat bang sounds through the neighbourhood, then Billys natural reactions due to living in the Ghetto kick in and he ducks thinking its a drive by when he realises its only Silly pulling up next to him in his rust bucket piece of crap.

They both get out and stand on the court in the blazin sun and decide to play tennis, but not just any tennis but "Kahns" tennis, but what astounds most people is that they decide to play SOBER and hold raquets in their hands instead of their beloved wine bottles they desperately crave.

During this and the constant insults between each other, Ash "I think im the man" Federer turns up at the place of Raquets known as Te Pai in Maori, thinking he's all that and joins in with Silly and Billy.

As the game's progress a suspicious character turns up upon his bicycomowheel and is noticed only by Billy due to his awareness of dodgy paedophiles. Billy notices that this dodgy paedophile looks hungrily at a young attractive and probably 12 yr old girl who was also @ the fantastical place known as Te Pai Courts. Then suddenly he hops on his bicyclmowheel and rides off.

A wee while l8r, the dodgy paedophile returns and this time approaches Silly and asks if he can join in the festivities. Silly and his fondness of paedophiles and perverts agrees to the paedophiles wishes only if he can have sex in return. "Can I play with you guys?" asks the Paedophile, "Sure if you have sex with me!" says Silly. The paedophile agrees and the group indulge in a foursome also known as Doubles. Billy however feels uneasy about the decision as he has constant vivid nightmares of a time when he too played doubles with the bestest playa in the world to whom shocked Billy into the deep darkest holes of tennis conspiracy.

Then Silly n Billy look across the courts and notice two people, one who looked like the spitting image of another friend of theirs,
(for privacy and legal reasons we cannot provide the name of this friend, so you may not know who you are, but dont worry...we do!)
they both laugh "hahahaha... thats a gud one" they both say.

It was Team Ash n Billy vs Team Paedophile n Silly, but however the result did not go in favour of Team Ash and Billy and so we will not delve further into the matter. Then all of a sudden at the end of the game the paedophile walks towards Billy and reaches out his hand while proclaiming admiration, however Billy retains his suspicions upon the dodgy paedophile and reluctantly shakes his hand. The group congregate together and the dodgy paedophile then takes off his glasses and now the group realise that he is not a paedophile but Dougal's long lost awesomest brother who came back from his snowboarding adventures in the States back to his homeland to take a bikeride through the harsh streets of West Auckland.

The group then leave, Dougal's long lost brother on his bicyclmowheel, Ash "I think im the man" Federer in his Pimp mobile while Silly who then realises he missed out on getten some follows Billy back to the Ranch for some r n r and boos n drugs.

As they arrive @ the Ranch, Billy is greeted by his neighbourly neighbour Aunt Betty Puddings Florence Nightingale Flippy Shed. They both converse together over the fence as Aunt Betty Puddings Florence Nightingale Flippy Shed for some reason beleives that one of Billys dogs has died. "Has one of your dogs died?" Ask's Aunt Betty Puddings Florence Nightingale Flippy Shed. "No, cetainly not" says Billy, "We just tie the little Bitch up" he replies. They continue their conversation while Aunt Betty Puddings Florence Nightingale Flippy Shed uses the word "shit" in her conversation while glancing over to Silly and thinks "Ohh no! not another brownie!"

Later on @ the Ranch Silly n Billy

001: Name – Jonathan Michael Leigh Joe-Samuela
002. Nickname – Joey, Jovey, Billy, Bolo, Bolofin, Johannesburg, Jon, Jonny
003. Single or taken - Single
004. Zodiac Sign – Libra
005. Male or Female- Male
006. School: Nuffin no more
007. iPod – ye but in its packaging
008. How many buddies on your list: wot list? bebo 1? 153 i fink
009. Screenname: Johannesburg Boom Flicka but jst til i fink of anada
010. Hair Color- Brownish
012. Hair Long or Short – sorta long n sorta short.
014. Eye Color – Brown
015. Are you health freak – sorta
016. Height – 6'3 or 6'4
017. Do you have a crush on someone - Yea
018. Do you like yourself – nah
019. Braces? – no
020. Think your awesome? – nah but beta than sum ada people
021. Piercings – nah
022. Tattoo - probsably l8r
023. Righty or Lefty – left
* YOUR FIRSTS *
024. Surgery – I dnt fink so
026. First best friend – Ashley or sum chick frm Kindergarten but I cnt remmbr her name
027. First Award - Cant remmbr
029. First pet – Splendour (Golden Retriever)
030. First vacation – Brisbane 1990
031. First Concert – Tahiti Spectacular
032. First Love - dus Ngahuia count? if not Dominika
* YOUR FAVOURITES *
033. Movie – Go Big
034. Favorite tv show – got 2 many, Dog Da Bounty Hunter (Gota love da wyt trash)
035. Color – Blue
036. Music - Tahitian, Tejano, RnB,
039. Drink – Lindauer Fraise
042. Favorite piece of clothing – my alchy jumper
043. Brand Of Clothing? – Billabong
045. Favorite School – Liston College i guess
*CURRENTLY *
049. I'm eating - dust
050. I'm drinking – water
052. I'm about to – go to sleep
053. Listening to – my computer buzzin
055. Waiting For – my sister n dem to com on da 18th, Death
056. Watching – me type shit
057. Wearing – nufin but shorts n a t-shirt

* YOUR FUTURE *
058. Want Kids? – ye 3 or 4
059. Want to Get Married? – ye 2 Freckles wen i find her
060. Careers in Mind: Pilot, Club/Restuaranteur
* WHICH IS BETTER ON OPPOSITE SEX *
068. Lips or Eyes – Eyes
069. Hugs or Kisses – Kisses
070. Shorter or Taller - sum height but not taller than me
072. Romantic, Spontaneous or larma - wot da hels larma? Romantic, ill get pissd if she was spontaneous wen al i wana do is jst watch tv or sumfing.
073. nice stomach or nice arms – stomach
074. Sensitive or Loud – Sensitive
075. Hook-up or Relationship - Hook-up 4 shors dnt lyk bein tied down 2 1 person.
076. Sweet or Caring –Sweet
077. Trouble Maker or Hesitant? – hesitant
* HAVE YOU EVER *
078. Kissed a Stranger - ye
079. Drank bubbles - wa? bubbles az in wine ye
080. Lost glasses/contacts – nope
081. Ran Away From Home – nope
082. Broken a bone – ye 7 tyms i fink
083. Got an X-ray – Yes
084. Broken Someone's Heart – yep
085. Turned Someone Down - ye twice dis year.
087. Cried When Someone Died – yes
* DO YOU BELIEVE IN *
089. God – Ye
090. Miracles – ye
093. Aliens – i guess not
094. Magic – ye
095. Heaven – Ye
096. Santa Claus – ye he works @ da mall
097. Sex on the first date – if its wanted
098. Kissing on the first date – kissing b4 da date
099. Angels – ye
* ANSWER TRUTHFULLY *
100. Is There someone You Want To be with right now? – ye
101. is it wrong to be strong? - nah
102. instead of doing this quiz could u have done someting useful ? - heck ye, i couldv gone 2 sleep

Tess's & Ruby's big adventure. 1 day ago

The day started out as any other would, torturous morning prayers and attendance taking. Little did they know that this seemingly ordinary day was about to be turned into a magical trip into a world beyond comprehension.

While tess finished opening a can of whoop ass on Rebecca lobb at spider in the school libary, Ruby was enduring a lesson on ancient maths and contemplating suicide.
They met in the A Block.
By the look on both their faces they knew they needed to escape.
Looking around to make sure no one was regarding their movents with suspicion, they dashed towards the staff carpark with both a look of fear and herioc bravery in their eyes.
How could they have known that God wasn't on their side?
He/She/It/Thing stratigically placed one of His/Hers/It's/Things most evil weapon in our way.
The weapon was known only by one name.
-dramtic pause-
Ann Dale. (need we say more)

with a couple of swift moves and karate chops, tess once again opened her can of whoop ass, while ruby readied the getaway vehicle. Speeding down kitinui avenue with sweat running off their brows, they exchanged a look of triumph, a look of hope, a look of destiny. They had succeeded not only in wagging transition, but in once again proving that they are superior to every living being on this earth.

The secret club house was their next destination (Ruby's house.)
and they were just about home clean, when those doors of fate opened. Oh you may think elevators are harmless enough, im sure.. But what happened next will shock and disturb you (younger viewers i urge you to find a parental guardian)
Yes, it is so.. that evil yet mysterious elevator opened its shiny metal mouth to them and swallowed ruby's keys!!!!
I know what you're thinking. The story can't end here, you're just getting into it right? Have no fear. So were they.
Fortunatley an un-named source (ruby's mum) had left a spare key under the matt,incase emergencies such as this ever arose.
We were in.

After going through general procedures and protocol (ruby's mum said she couldn't go out unless she cleaned her room) they raced back down to their g-ride (betsy)and headed towards the wap waps so tess could pick up supplies for the future happenings of the night. A confusing phone call later, Ruby was found un-prepared for their magical trip into a world beyond comprehension because she thought tess was coming over at 8:15! not.. 5:15!.. the lack of comunication was acknowledged with a few awkward chuckles and they moved on.
Both soon discovering a combined love of roast meals and leonardo dicaprio, their night began as they waited for their compadreys to make an appearance.
Agent lisa 'Neegro' Whyte ( rat whyte senior ) was the first to swing by, known mostly for her quick-witted 'stolen' lines and appreciation for the art of sober driving. Grace 'straight edge' Walker a character known mostly for her no alcohol, drugs, ciggarettes policy then stepped into the fort occompanied by Morgan 'b-unit' Voordy aka ruby's hot mack gf who has been known to display her creative and adventurous sandwhich artistry skills on many a occasion.

With team marist united, they krumped their way to betsy their g-ride for the night, only for tess to discover that the warp of time used for purchasing alcohol had now shut it's unfriendly doors on us. All hope was lost, until the power of the lynnfield countdown drew us near - offering a fine selection of eight dollar wine to get us through the night.
By this time Grace 'straight edge' Walker and Morgan 'b-unit' Voordy aka ruby's hot mack gf were getting rowdy in the backseat of poor betsy. Seeing this Lisa 'Neegro' Whyte decided it was time to move on to their final destination.
After a few directional 'hiccups' -cough tess and lisa cough-
they arrived just in time to wittness the horrible, disturbing acts of a recently turned 18, male by the name of Khan. As they progressed they noticed the