1) We saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
2) When we were kids we used to pray every night for a new bike. Then we realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so we stole one and asked him to forgive us.
3) We have often wanted to drown our troubles, but we can't get our wifes to go swimming.
4) We were doing some decorating, so we got out our step-ladder. We don't get on with our real ladder.
5) We went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So we ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
6) A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
7) Well we were bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day we turned to our bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! >From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
9) S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
10) I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
11) If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
12) We think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
13) You know that look women get when they want s*x? No, me neither
14) Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.
15) We were the kids next door's imaginary band.
16) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think we've forgotten this before

UNIVERSAL TRUTHS FROM Ferocious Bloodaxe

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
5) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
6) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
7) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
9) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
10) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
11) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
12) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
13) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
14) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
15) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
16) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
17) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY Ferocious Bloodaxe

1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?
5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?
6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?
9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a h

TOUR DATES 03/09/07


Hi,

Ferocious Bloodaxe are due to play Classic Grand, Glasgow UK on the 3rd of October.

Tickets are available at Ticket Scotland under Central Station Bridge. £5.

Aternatively, if you do not live in Glasgow, send an email to: ferociousbloodaxe@hotmail.co.uk

Hope to see you there, doors open at 7pm.

Ferocious Bloodaxe xx

Hi,

So this is the place for FB updates. The blogs we post will be split into 3 categories:

NEWS: Says it all really, any news regarding FB's welfare, new releases, tracklistings, merchandise etc etc. Basically a newspaper dedicated to Ferocious Bloodaxe.

TOUR DATES: Enjoy your music raw and live? Then this is the place to come if you wanna find out when Ferocious Bloodaxe will visit your town. Dates, times, support acts etc.

FILM: I'm sure you've all heard that a movie is in pre-production following the exploits of your favourite band. The project, named Rise Of A Legend, is as much a part of FB as the music. Visit these blogs for news on Release dates, casting, interviews, trailers, and possibly script extracts. Alternatively, you can speak directly to K Bargie about the project, at: http://www.myspace.com/kbargie88

All future blogs will be titled either NEWS, TOUR DATES, or FILM.

Any questions are welcome.

Thanks,

Ferocious Bloodaxe xx