1. If someone you don't recognise straight away adds you as a friend then you must immediately ask 'Who’s this?', despite their name and everything you need to know about said person being on their profile.

2. If a spam post about webcam sex finds its sneaky little way onto your profile, then you must not delete it, I have no idea why not.

3. If your parent/guardian/aunt/whatever creates a profile you must block them. If they ask for an explanation in real life then you must reply loudly and confidently; “Oh I’m sorry, I thought you were a paedophile.”

4. If you find yourself in a religious or moral argument on Bebo, then you must make the wildest claim you can imagine, then if they ask for evidence tell them to ‘try Google.’

E.g.: ‘God wanted us all to become homosexual, it says so in a 14th century scripture that has recently been discovered’
“Do you have any evidence of that?”
‘Just Google it.’ Or something similar.

5. Never use Bebo to masturbate over other people’s photos. Someone is always watching.

6. Don’t have a profile in the form of a table.

E.g.: ‘...Name- .... Cunto McLackofimagination
...Börn - dd/mm/yy
...Stätüs - Single </i>…’

7. NEVER PRETEND TO BE RANDOM. It just shows you have absolutely no wit. (There is a difference between random and surreal, just Google it.)

8. Do not upload pictures of your pets, cars you think are ‘smart m8’, ‘tasty birds mayte’ or lolcats. Honestly no-one else but you could give a fuck.

9. Unless you want to be groomed, brutally raped then left for dead in an abandoned greenhouse, never post your e-mail address on any ‘MSN ADDYS 4 U’ type group.

10. ‘Stunnahs oan Bebo’ type groups are also an open invitation for paedophiles and general perverts; don’t put your picture on one. Unless… see rule 9 for details.

11. Do not post the ‘Do You Have A Crush On Me?’ type blogs, the replies will only depress you. (Could just be me?)

12. If you are involved in an argument over Bebo and get ‘pwned’, then you must shut the fuck up, as no-one can take you seriously afterwards. If you are unsure if you have been ‘pwned’, it invariably happens shortly after you disagree with me .

13. NEVER USE EMOTICONS

14. If you’re having a wee flirt, then one ‘x’ at the end of the comment is more than enough, three is bearable, but any more and everyone will assume you had your finger jammed on the ‘x’ key while you were cracking one out.

15. Anyone who uses anime as their profile picture is automatically a weeaboo and will be deported or emotionally scarred at the earliest opportunity.

16. If you find yourself offended by something then instead of ignoring it like a sensible human being, you must click report abuse, then continue reading and feeling like a smug little cunt.

17. Never try to be witty in the ‘Hometown’ section of your profile. Same applies for the name and tag line. I promise that anyone who reads it will automatically assume you are a cunt, and will be right.

18. If you take a look at someone’s profile photo, think ‘(s)he’s hot’, but soon realise there is no age displayed on their profile, then congratulations! You are a paedophile.

19. On that note, only paedophiles have private profiles.

20. If you are white, then do not under any circumstances claim to like R ‘n’ B or rap music. (This rule also applies to real life.)

21. In the ‘Scared of…’ section do not write ‘Nothing’, you are either lying or have been sexually abused and need to put a brave face on to get yourself through each day.


22. Emos can fuck off. No-one wants you in real life, why would we want you here?

23. If you ever come across a black American’s profile you will laugh so hard you shit yourself. This is not racism, this is truth.


24. All lesbians on Bebo are teenage boys with blisters on their hands.

25. Do not write in your main prof

Wondering if any of you can help with my dilemma?

I would be most grateful for any advice you could give on this matter of deep concern to me, as I am now in two minds about what to do.

For sometime now I've suspected that my girl friend maybe cheating on me. You know the sort of thing. The phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.

Recently she has started going out 'with the girls' a lot and when I ask which girls it's always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".

I always used keep an eye out for her taxi coming home, but now she always walks up the street, although I can hear a car setting off as if she has just got out of one around the corner.

The other day I picked up her mobile, just to see what time it was, and she went mental, screaming at me that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with her. I kind of think deep down I don't really want to know the truth.

But then last night she went out again and I decided that I would check up on her. I hid behind my car which I knew would give me a good view of the whole street so I could see which car she got out of on her return.

It was whilst I crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Do you think I should take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself ???

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in
hospital.

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a
bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife's house.' The otherman replies: 'Yes, she
has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt
to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated
rainforest.

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him: 'Why the long face?' The horse replies with nothing because as you know a horse can't understand and talk human language. He was later processed into glue.

How many retards does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Screwing in a lightbulb is not a physically or mentally challenging act. The retard would have no problem doing it on his own.

A genie appears and gives a guy three wishes. The guy then woke up, it was a dream. Genies do not exist in real life.