Beware Of The Frog

Terrified cyclists have erected this sign on the Bristol to Bath Bicycle Track to warn other riders about the legendary "Killer Frog Of Fishponds". Local folklore has it that a giant frog called Grendle is due to emerge from hibernation. Legend has it that the giant frog hibernates for about 80 years on average. Last time the frog appeared it ate a railway carriage full of passengers (the cycle path is a disused railway), then went on a spawning frenzy that local people would prefer to forget. Its last appearance was 1st April 1921 so it is technically overdue - and hungry.
The Killer Frogs Lair

Beware of the legendary killer frog of Fishponds
Recent Froggy Sightings

I have only ever seen one frog on the cycle track. It was a couple of years ago (1st April 1999). It was smaller than my fist and it made a very satisfying pop when it got squashed under the front tyre of my bicycle. So much better than bubblewrap!
Froggies Revenge!

After a good spawning frenzy, millions of tadpoles will grow into thousands of frogs. These froggy spawn of Grendle will all decide to leave the pond on the same wet and rainy night. The frogs will all cross the cycle path on the corner like a vast slippery amphibian carpet across the bend. Froggies revenge! Cyclists Beware!

Wagon Wheel
Sunday 19 May 2002


Wagon Wheels, another biscuit based wonder from that unique biscuit maker Burtons.

Wagon wheels create an instant sense of nostalgia, and yearning for days gone by, in all seasoned biscuit fans, due to the fact that they used to be bigger, much bigger, and thicker. The reduction in size of the Wagon wheel maybe due to our childhood memories recalling a biscuit that was relatively larger compared to us. However, this phenomena does not occur with other large diameter biscuits such as the digestive, so we are left to wonder at the reasons for a mysterious plot to reduce their size. They also used to come in boxes of four with a brown plastic tray thing keeping them in order.

There is much to commend the Wagon Wheel, and even its weaknesses endear it to us, like an old well loved pet dog who whose gone all mental and chases cars, dispite being run over from time to time, I expect. For instance its chocolate flavoured coating, now what's that all about? It gives Wagon Wheels a strange grey vinyl silk sheen, and forms a tortured mass of ripplely bumps on the surface, almost like its not meant to be there at all and has managed to adhere to the surface despite the odds. As for what it tastes like compared to chocolate, who knows? there isn't enough of it to make an informed opinion.

Now on the marshmallow center, what do we know of that? Well it is believed to contain the Wagon Wheels small quantity of gelatin, a useful fact if you want to ward off any vegetarians who are making advances to your biscuits. Other than that it would seem that its main role is to provide an interesting structural layer, allowing both biscuit layers a degree of independent horizontal movement once the flimsy chocolate seal has been compromised. As for what it tastes like again, I doubt if any body knows for sure.

And finally the two biscuit layers themselves. Well your guess is as good as mine, as to what is happening there. They seem to be a bit like an ultra thin shortcake biscuit that has gone stale. Maybe.

However, put all of these odd things together, as Burton's have, and you get the compelling whole that is the Wagon Wheel. Apparently according to the pack this is "A taste for adventure".

Regular guest biscuit reviewer Phil has also reviewed the Wagon Wheel so go check it out if you want a second opinion

Your feedback 19 messages

All Butter
Sunday 12 May 2002


So the first thing that you notice about an 'all butter' biscuit is that its not all butter. If it were, it would indeed, be butter, and therefore be a bit greasy for a biscuit.

The All butter biscuit derives it name from the fact that its fat content is derived from butter alone. Thats got to be good, butter is good wholesome stuff, and as such doesn't need loads of wonky stuff mixed in with it in order to make biscuits. As such All Butter biscuits have a very nice flavour, and you can easily imagine that these were baked specially for you by your Auntie or some skilled biscuit making aquaintance.

The biscuit shown here is a Waitrose All Butter biscuit, and therefore takes itself quite seriously, being a biscuit member of the John Lewis partnership. Its not about to be muck you around, oh no. It says I have 25% butter by wieght, and it does. Complete fat composition piece of mind.



Bourbon
Sunday 5 May 2002


I fear I am going to upset some of you, but I have an opinion of the Bourbon biscuit, some what similar to that of Jennifer Lopez. Both are when described sound lovely and are greatly admired. However I find my self somewhat underwhelmed. I often feel that I'm missing the point with the Bourbon biscuit and by rights should like it a lot more than I do. However, I find that Iwill frequently pass it over , frequenting as it does biscuit assortments, in favor of biscuits with apparently lesser charms. I can quite imagine that some people think that this is about as good as it gets, I'm just not one of t

FUCK


Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the magical word which, just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many Grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was Fucked by John).

It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), and adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be ued as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).

As you can see there are very words with the overall versitility of the word fuck. Aside from its sexual connotations, this word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings........."How the fuck are ya?"
2. Fraud............."I got fucked by the car dealer."
3. Resignation......."Oh, fuck it!"
4. Trouble..........."I guess I'm fucked now."
5. Agression........."FUCK YOU!"
6. Disgust..........."Fuck me."
7. Confusion........."What the fuck?"
8. Displeasure......."Fucking shit man..."
9. Lost.............."Where the fuck are we?"
10.Disbelief........."UNFUCKINGBEL
 IEVABLE!!"
11.Retaliation......."Up your fucking ass!"
12.Apathy............"Who really gives a fuck?"
13.Suspicion........."Who the fuck are you?"
14.Directions........"Fuck off."
15.Anger............."Go fuck yourself"
16.Errors............"That's pretty fucked up!"
17.Ineptness........."He's a fuck-up."

It can be maternal........"MOTHERFUCKER!!"

It can be used to tell time......." It's four fucking twenty!"

It can be used as an anatomical description............."He's a fucking asshole."

Lastly, it has been used by many notable people throughout history:

"What the fuck was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima

"That's not a real fucking gun." - John Lennon

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" - Captain of the Titanic

"Who the fuck is gonna find out?" - Richard Nixon

"Heads are gonna fucking roll." - Anne Boleyn

"Any fucking idiot could answer that." - Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!" - Picasso

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?" - Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck." - Walt Disney

"Houston we have a big fucking problem." - The crew of Apollo 13