Me Speak. You Listen.

1) Starfish r all alcoholics. Thats why beaches are covered in cans and you never see a starfish standing up

2) After 11 days on the Ark, Noah got bored, and killed all the Dinosaurs for a LAUGH

3) Post boxes, keenly aware of their higher status, taunt litter bins when no ones around.
"Look at you, letting them dump their old chicken boxes in your fat face, you dumpy little slack-slotted gimp"

4) Due to war shortages, the first barbie dolls were made of wood wih monkey skulls for heads

5) If you type "google" into google, the resultant "logic loop" will cause reality to fold in on itself and the universe will collapse into an infinitly dense dot

6) The Great Wall of China has a catflap every 5 miles

7) When theres no more room in Gingerbread Hell, the Gingerbread zombies will walk the Earth (remove the head to stop the creatures)

Penguins are just pretending they can't fly
If you throw one off a tall building you'll see for yourself

9) When you change channel on the tv, the presenter you were watchin DIES instantly

10) Ifyou rub two red-headed kids together...you can make fire...

11) Bowling balls hav retractable eyes

12) If you stand still for long enough, the goverment will put up road signs pointing towards you

13) If you cut a badger in half with an axe it turns into two chipmunks

14) Dangle a cornetto on a piece of string.
It will ALWAYS point north

Spread The Knowledge

Camping. The posse loves camping.
However is anything that simple?? BB had a spagetti party with her olds, so we had to bail her out. She climbed out her window, and we bolted. Then, we caught the bus to Innerz. We started to walk up the bothy...and then we did something very dangerous. We listened to one of Scotts ideas. And we LIKED it. So, we turned off the path, and started to walk back to Peebles. For the pure fun of it.
So, here we are, walking the back road to Peebles. About half way round, we did another very reckless thing. We Listened To David. And again...we liked his idea. So, we stuck our thumbs out as the cars went past, that well known hitchhiker sign.
Of course, we are suspious looking teenages, so the cars just ignored us, and we started yelling insults after them.
"You suck big balls!!!"
"You heartless fiends!!!"
"C'mon then! One on one!!!"
"I gave so much and asked for so little!!!"
Then, the mini bus came.
It slowed down.
It stopped.
It drove off again.
Oooooh. The evil. Death to all mini buses.
Anyway...yes, we arrived at Cardrona forest, and spent a happy, DRY half hour resting in our Hobo Home (the girls loos).
We were about 7 8ths of the journey back, when mother theresea (no i'm not joking) picked us up. We screamed and hugged, and thanked her all the way back to Peebles. We are sucessful hitchhikers!!
We discussed walking to Lyne, to crash the Joey-Joe-Anderson man love sleepover, but decided that we did (after all he's put us through) cherish Davids life.
So...? We went to Scobies, (taking a short break under an arch for snacks). Knocked on his window, just to say hey. Like the wonderful caring people we are. By that time it was becoming obvious that we needed shelter. We couldn't go BBs cos she'd bailed, and scott lives in Innerz.
I looked at David.
David looked at me.
He said "If we go to my house, we'll be shouted at when we arrive. We'll be shouted at while you're there. We'll be shouted at as you leave. Then I'll be shouted at again when you go. If we go to Nargi's...she'll be shouted at once, while we're not there."
What could i say?!
I took a dive for the team.
And after we'd sent BB home, Me, Scott and David turned up on my doorstep.
At 2am.

My poor little brother was sleeping and didn't hear us come in. When he woke up, many hours later, David was coming out the toilet. He saw Phillip stirring. My brother, rolled over, thinking that i'd gone camping, but the first sight his eyes focused on was one of my friends, David, standing at his doorway, waving, with an evil smile on his face.
And his reaction? He jumped back yelling "FUCK! Shit! Fucking hell! SHIT!!!"

I made David apologise.

Pay Day Quotes:

"What does the mail say..." "Pay a neighbour - you watered my plants!!!"
"I found a buyer...but i have nothing to sell!!"
"You made me cakes and buns!!!"
"Bill...Bill...Bill...Oh my bollocks!!"
"You suck!!!" "Very big balls!!!"
"Give me money!" "No!!!" "I don't like you"
"Please don't be a 4...NOOOOOOOOOO...I am going to KILL you!!"
"My money is rumbling!!!"
"Everyones after your hard earned cash!!"
"I have to pay a bill for a clown costume" *Memz drops the cards*
"I don't like you!!" "I like me..."
"That monster charge can fuck off"
"Pay it off!! Have you looked at my finances!! Hang on let me phone home..."
"Why would I buy Knuckles Security?? I just use David. He likes it, and is so much cheaper..."
"Awwww!!! Shamokaseela!!!"
"You cannot count. You get it from David." "Don't put that on Bebo!!!"
"If its a 3...I will...KILL YOU!!!"
"There is sugar in my system, its making me go really-" "have another cookie.." "Ok!"
"Heres £300..." "I luvooo!!" "...now give me £1500.." "I hate you"
"Wine celler?? No, i only buy vodka!!"
"I wonder if you can do yoga while playing a bored game..?"
"I will put it in the bank for kape safeing!!!"
"I wonder if i can roll the dice on my belly.."

But, heres what we did for lunch...

"Memz, put 17 seconds on the microwave"
*Looks over*
"Er, Em? That's 17 minutes."
Em spills water:
"Why does it always go on my booby!!!"

And on the way home...
"Oh I can hear thunder...Aw. Its just a bus..."
Talking about the posse buying Chowallabe's old house:
"If we all chip in 20p a week, then we could-"
"Buy a light bulb?!"
Then, when we reached Emz house, she relised she'd left her keys at mine. We had to walk back, and then find them in the logical place of...under my hairbrush..."

Hey. Who said we were sane?