Dunphy - "Sergio Ramos is like Paul McShane on steroids".

Dunphy - "Real Madrid are offering ronaldo ?250,000 a week after tax, he has a model girlfriend, he's 23, he's good looking, I hate him"

BILL - "Just one interesting point.Italy have now qualified for the quarter final with 4 points ,when last time they failed to qualify with 5 points.Whatever that means,i don't know"

Ronnie Whelan - "When the rain came, the Swiss seemed to adapt better - in what way it's hard to say."

Souness: "He's got his hands down protecting his downstairs area and sticks his foot out like a nancy"
Eamo: "If you don't mind me saying Graeme, the shot was a bit low to have affected his downstairs area."
Giles: "You don't know with these lads, Eamon."

Mark Kinsella after 15 minutes the match between Austria & Germany..............
"I see what the Austrians are tryin to do here, they are tryin to stop the Germans playing football"

Dunphy - "Holland look good but they haven't played a proper team yet"
Brady - "They beat Italy 3-0 and France 4-1, two WC finalists. What do you mean a proper team?"
Dunphy - "Sweden"


Eamo: "If you listen to an aria instead of a hip-hop, your attention span might grow and you might reflect and look into your soul as some people like to do."
Souey (alarmed): "It's professional football, we're talking about Eamon."
Eamo: ""I was only kidding, baby.."

Giles - "Marilyn Monroe was the greatest star in the world but she was never known as a great actor. Ronaldo is like that."

George Hamilton - "Turkey and indeed Swizterland will be on the next Boat Home if they cant fashion a goal"


Quote of the tournament:

Jimmy Magee - "There were dozens of people coming in with hot-dogs, burgers and trays of beer. I thought that was just an American thing. Maybe they were Americans."

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' they asked.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra-credit project' said Tommy.

The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.'
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
''The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied."
"We really watched a tape called 'Sex Queen.'"
'I'm ashamed of you son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his
chair.
Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears.
'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy.
After all, He is your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times.

Eamon Dunphy Quotes

On Luis Garcia: "They ( Liverpool ) should put Garcia where he belongs - in the dustbin."

On Djibril Cisse: "here we have Cisse, right wing, attempts to put in a cross, BANG...hits the full back, again BANG hits the full back, BANG...off the full back again, and once more, BANG...smacks the full back again.... Millions of euro and he can't clear the first man, I mean...what's he trying to do to the full back here, Kill him??"

On Harry Kewell: "Kewell should have been yanked off the pitch at half time and put in a hot bath, a boiling hot bath." "Fat and a clown. A fat clown for all to see."

On Rio Ferdinand: "Ferdinand is a clown. He was a liability for the first goal and he is always a liability. It was Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink against Rio Ferdinand of Barclays Bank." "a tramp"

On Fabio Cannavarro: "If Rio Ferdinand is worth £100,000 a week, then this guy is worth €100 million . . . . . a day"
On Liam Brady (After Ireland lost a two goal lead against Holland in 1983): "He is often looked on as a great player. He is nothing of the kind. His performance on Wednesday was a disgrace, a monument to conceit adorned with vanity and self-indulgence, rendered all the more objectional by the swagger of his gait. He was deemed by many observers to have had a splendid game."

On Niall Quinn: "I'm not gonna address the Niall Quinn agenda, Niall Quinn is a creep" "The man's an idiot, a Mother Theresa"

On Barcelona: "After watching Watford against Manchester City last night that was like a bubblebath. It was beautiful."

On Garth Crooks and Sven Goran Eriksson: "ha, ha, ha, that's the first time you'll see sex between 2 men live on the BBC"

During the coverage of Euro 2004: "You need dictatorships and poverty to produce great footballers."

On Christiano Ronaldo: the way Ronaldo "clicks his heels", is the "most wicked thing in the game." "a simple cheat" "Poof ball"

On Mick McCarthy: "He's one of the biggest whingers in world football... he's a bloody eejit."

On Kevin Kilbane: "Kilbane's head is better than his feet. If only he had three heads, one on the end of each leg."

On John Giles: "Usually it takes a bottle of Bacardi and a gallon of Coke to get John out of his seat."

On Michael Carrick: "Carrick was signed for Spurs a few years back for £3m. That's the level he is at. He is a nothing player. He is one-paced. He doesn't have the personality to always get on the ball like a United player should. "

Before the Liverpool .v. Real Betis game at Anfield when Roy Keane announced his retirement from football Bill O'Herlihy stated that in the column about Roy a journalist called him a thug. Dunphy continued roaring at Bill asking him who's column it was. Bill replied it was on the back page of the Sunday Times. "Look at it" he told Eamon. Eamon still pestered him asking who wrote it. Bill replied "I can't remember his name". Eamon continued saying: "I'll tell you who wrote it, Rod Liddle, he's the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one".

On about the Fergie V Strachen feud: Eamon: "Scots they're either nice or they're horrid and these two are horrid. Bill: "The Scots wont like that Eamon, thats bordering on racism". Eamon: "Its not racism its ethnic criticism Bill".

On the stubborn climate which exists in the board room at Real Madrid:

"Bill, Bill... those directors over there are on another planet. They're on mushrooms or something...THEY'RE ON ACID BILL!!!"

On John Hartson:

'Bill, Hartson is not a 7million pound player....its a disgrace, a shambles! This is the state of football today Bill. I have a clip here of why Hartson is NOT a £7million player....Roll it there Bill! (literally 1 second in to the clip) OKAY, HOLD IT THERE BILL!!! (draws a circle around Hartson's arse) Bill, that is NOT the arse of a £7million player!''