1.Would you ever speak to me?
2.Go out with me?
3.Give me your number?
4.Kiss me?
5.Let me kiss you?
6.Watch a movie with me?
7.Take me out to dinner?
8.Shower with me?
9.Be my lover?
10.Have a fling with me?
11.Take me home for the night?
12.Let me sleep in your bed?
13.Put this in your page?
15.Have a relationship with me?
16.Dance with me?
17.Let me make you dinner?
18.Spank my ass?
19.Let me tickle you?
20. Stick up for me?
21.Undress me?
22. Play strip poker with me?

Taoism - if you understand shit, it isn't shit
Hinduism - this shit happened before
Confucianism - confucious say 'shit happens'
Buddism - shit will happen to you again
Zen - what is the sound of shit happening?
Islam - if shit happens its the will of Allah
Sikhism - leave our shit alone
Jehova's Witness - knock knock. shit happens
Atheism - i don't believe this shit
Agnosticism - can you prove shit happens?
Catholicism - if shit happens, you deserve it
Protestantism - shit happens, amen to that
Judaism - why does shit always happen to us?
Orthodox Judaism - so shit happens, already
Televangelism - send money or shit will happen to you
Rastafarianism - lets smoke this shit
Hare Krishna - shit happens rama rama
Nation of Islam - don't take no shit
New Age - visualise the shit
Shintoism - you inherit shit of your ancestors
Hedonism - i love it when shit happens
Satanism - sneppah tihs
Capitalism - this is MY shit
Feminism - men are shit
Ecistentailism - what is shit, anyway?
Scientology - if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137
Mormonism - 'excrement happens' (dont say shit)
Baptism - we'll wash the shit right off you
Mysticism - this is really weird shit
Voodoo - shit doesnt just happen - we made it happen
Disneyism - bad shit dont happen here
Communism - lets share the shit
Marxism - you have nothing to lose but your shit
Conspiracy Theorism - THEY shit on us!
Psycho-Analysis - tell me about your shit
Darwinism - survival of the shittiest
Amish - modern shit is useless
Suicidal - i've had enough of this shit
Optimism - shit won't happen to me
Trekism - to boldy shit where no-one has shit before
Shakespearian - to shit or not to shit, that is the question
Descartes - i shit therefore i am
Freud - shit is a phallic symbol
Lawyers - for enough money, i can get you out of shit
Acupuncturist - hold still or this will hurt like shit
mouse - oh shit! a cat!
cat - dogs are shit
dog - i shit in your shoe
Politically Correct - internally processed, nurtritionally-drained biological output happens
Einstein - shit is relative
Family Gathering - relatives are shit
Materialism - whoever dies with the most shit, wins
Vegetarianism - is it happens to shit, dont eat it
Fatalism - oh shit, it's going to happen
Environmentailism - shit is biodegradeable
Americanism - who gives a shit?
Statisticism - shit is 84.7% likely to happen
Hip-Hop - motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!
Tantranism - fuck this shit!
Cynism - we are full of shit
Wicca - you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times
Surrealism - fish happens

dashing through the sand
with a bomb strapped to my back
i have a nasty plan
for xmas in iraq

i got through checkpoint A
but no through checkpoint B
thats when i got shot in the ass
by the US military!

ooooo jingle bombs jingle bombs
mine blew up you see
where are all the virgins
that bin larden promised me??

ooooo jingle bombs jingle bombs
US soldiers shot me dead
the only thing i have left
is this towl a pone my head!

i used to be a man
but everytime i cough
thanks to uncle sam
my nuts keep falling off!

my bombing days are done
i need to find some work
perhaps it would be much safer
to be a convenient night clerk!

ooooo jingle bombs jingle bombs
i think i got screwed
dont laugh at me because im dead
or I KILL YOU!