1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killedand eaten by his
buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you have known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you
actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even
remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the
game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap
her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she is officially your
girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you are sunning on a tropical
beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick or punch another guy
in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they
demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports
watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to
fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just
greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding
sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e, both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible
nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to
have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken
monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me,
you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference
between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is liste

Hey guys. Well not a lot has happened since my last little update. Oh wait hang on let me think for a second before i say that aye..... Well all the furniture is up so ive posted photos of that. Take a look, looks kinda flash but you know the maori will brake somethign sooner or later. Just wait for the update and ill letyou know what and when....hahahahahahaha. Um Penguin is working now so makes life easier than it was before. Ummmm what else is happen..... Not sure if there is much else. Should be things rolling around shortly im sure. Things never stay quiet that long these days.

PEACE
SMF

Hey yall, Well as you can probably guess we got the net back. So back to keeping in touch aye ow.

Last week was pretty mad. Lots doen and far too much drinking if that i at all possible. Stagg do, travelling round the lower north island and then planning little things for the wedding was a big week.

I just want to congratulate my boy Kelly and my sis J in their new marraige aye. Great day and happiness was shared all round. I feel honoured to be a part of the day and i know everyone wishes you the best.

Well what next. No no furniture here yet. Beentrying to get a hold of them about whats going on. It seems everyone in Ozzie only gets in touch with you when money is involved, like when you owe them money. Hahahhahaha but ill sort it out and get the pics up of the new whare aye..... Oh and as for the wedding photos.....There are far too many to put up. Somehow we managed to get 350 photos on my camera, so ill pass them all to Ish and Boo and you guys can get them of them.

Aiite my peeps . Signing off for now and ill be in touch