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• Jokes

  1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
  2. A day without sunshine is, like, night
  3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
  5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
  misquoted, then used against you.
  9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
  10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
  12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it
  remains?
  13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
  14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
  15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
  cheese.
  19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
  21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
  22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
  26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
  27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and
  going the wrong way.
  28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
  tried.
  29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need
  it.
  31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
  33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
  34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
  35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
  37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness
  of the bread.
  38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the
  ability to reach it.
  39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many
  is research.
  40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
  principles.
  41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
  42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
  43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch
  up.
  46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
  48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
  49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
  50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
  51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
  52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
  53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

  0 Comments 269 weeks

• Other Worlds!!

  Hey goys, Im Cillian willis. Roysh, Im your typical goy from the southside loike. I live the au-natural lifestyle loike and whatever happens, happens! Cillian Willis, is a man of the people and for the people; if the people are loike basically birds with great boobs and who are loike drop dead focking gorgeous. I mean, loike when you are a babe magnet loike moiself, giving yourself to the birds is loike an act of charity for focks sake. The pecs, the abs, the whole bod basically; the birds are always with moi. Im such a legend roysh.
  
  Things haven't always gone well for me though, loike during my life. Loike I have been through a few focking ordeals recently loike.
  
  I suppose you are all wondering what my story is loike, roysh well here goes. On a random night out recently loike, me and my friend Oisín, hit this club near Grafton street up. The night was such a legend loike. The birds there were loike gorgeous, and loike the girls were all over me loike, because I have the lingo of the ladies. This was the case with this randomer, Hannah Lovejoy. She is a southsider too and loike my kind of girl. We were in loike a great conversation roysh. The west coast cooler and the heino was flowing all night, when loike the night started to fly by. Before I knew where I was roysh, she was on top of me in the joe maxi and I was covered from head to toe in Denis'.
  
  So me and the lucky gal head back to her gaf, total mansion loike. I think we all know what happened there, loike. The next morning, I felt the need to exit stage left so i could get a coffee in Bucks before lunch loike. In the train station, the exhaustion from my lustful night of passion began to set in. I said to myself:'Ryosh you can have a little sleep Cillian'. So I sat on the train and loike had a sleep. I woke with a focking fright i can tell you. 'Next station, Rosslare Europort. I was in the centre of focking culchieland, loike what the fock.
  
  I tried to make a call on my I-phone, when loike i saw my battery was loike flat!! As well as that the dude at the ticket office said that loike all the ATM machines were loike out of order loike. I had loike 44€ in the pocket of my canto's. The situation loike turned into a total mare.
  
  So there I was roysh, mobile focked, finances focked, reputation soon to be fockd-everything completely focked basically, and were talking big time. When this culchie loike, saw me sitting on the wall at the station and offered me a hand. I know what youre thinking. Culchies, loike what the fock?? But the goy helped me out, he was loike a total legend loike. His
  name was Padraig, or something loie that. He gave me a place to stay loike until i sorted out my problems, and a job.
  
  At the time I felt I owed that goy so much, so i said loike I'd take him for a night on the town. We went to this complete dive, in the centre of wexford town loike. The place was a total mare loike, but Padraig was in loike heaven. Loike what the fock?? In the bar loike, there was loike no birds who deserved my charity loike, they were complete mongrels- Oh and roysh, either all the culchies are up the Damien duff loike, or working on the farms adds loike 3 stone to the fat cows
  
  The work Padraig had in mind was loike, to focking sell strawberrys on the Dublin road loike. Cillian Willis, is a schools rugby legend, he does not become a lacky selling shoiteon the side of the road loike a focking skanger. On the first day, the gawds were shining on moi loike. Caoimhe, my pal from work loiike was on his way back from the rogby match down in cork. He almost loike focking shit his break loike seeing me selling strawberrys loike. I got a lift from him loike, and thank fock for him loike or I was totally screwed down there in that other world. Loike For Focks sake!!!!
  
  Peace Out

  0 Comments 314 weeks

• After the war!! D4 style essay!! Tell me What you think

  So ryosh, I'm Oisín. Im youre Typical 23 Year old goy from Dalkey loike. Oisín McCabe is fertile, of that you can be sure. But then why should I keep this babe magnet package to moiself, the pecs, the abs, the whole bod basically. There has been rumours that i possess the lingo of the ladies, and lets face it loike, I totally do ryosh. I'm spreading the love ryosh, so a whole new generation of ladies get some of this. Its an act of charity, for focks sake.
  
  I suppose that loike, yu guys are wondering what exactly my story is, well here goes. Loike, a few weeks ago, Paul my friend from Santry and i decided loike that it would be a proper laugh to swap lives for a month. I know, you are all wondering 'A guy from Santry loike what the fock??' Paul is a Dalkey lad too, but he is a bit down on his luck and he had to lead the 'skanger life' for a while. The poor dude, i know. Oh yeh, Paul even did some advertising for the 'experiment' and there may be an interview with the 'Indo' at the end of it, noice i know!!
  
  So on the 24th November the war against the skangers had begun. I got on the Dart ryosh and continued to the Docklands station. I then unfortunately, had to cross the frontline of the Northside, Balting street (aka Skangerville. The Black cathedral looked as daunting as the pictures on the television, loike. I almost shit my break loike, OMG. As i walked down the street the smell was loike totally disgusting. It was loike a mixture of Dutch gold larger and urine , it was a total reality check loike. And, either there are alot of 'skangerettes' up the Damien Duff, r living in that area adds loike 3 stone to the fat cows.
  
  The worst focking thing about this shoite is the working arrangements, loike OMG. Paul is currently working at Dunnes Stores (a.k.a. St. Bernardos) and yours truly has the honour of being a focking lacky in the place. This was far from the Au Natural lifestyle I'm used to loike. I was talking to this guy on the train to work one day about my problems, and the goy was a total retard loike. He said in a skeanger voice ' Are you taking the biscuit pal?? You would wanna get a fuckin life pal!!' What an inbred huh??
  
  The pad in Santry loike wasnt, that bad I must admit. Loike the nights in the pad were quite focking lonely for moiself. And the skanger groups outside were loike totally focking sick. But, the nitelife was totally cool, and the birds were amazing. The west coast cooler was flowing all nite long with the gals. One such evening me and Dan were in this grotty lil nightclub in sum suburb. The Gals well loiked moi there. This was well the case with a gal called Fiona. We were in the corner getting up to mischief, when before i knew the time was 1a.m and she was on top of me in a joe maxi and i was covered from top to bottom in Denis'*. So roysh yours truly and the lucky gal head up to her house, total mansion loike. Need i say anymore i think we all get what hapend there. As she slept, i felt the need to exit stage left. Could you imagine if she popped out a sprog due to my lustful night of passion. She would probably make me name the lil thing too huh?? I tell ya what i'd name the lil sprog.............................
   ..RETURN TO FOCKIN SENDER!!
  
  So a month and a half ago ryosh I was there in a state of basically very blissful ignorance living in the Transient mansions of Dalker, when suddenly I have to loike live in the ghetto loike what the fock. Loike, all I can say is there will be a few stories to tell the goys in the rogby club roysh, over a few heinos*, you know.
  
  The experiment ended yesterday and on the train ride the excitement of my day was when I read 'Should have got off at Sidney Parade' by Paul Howard, and the chap was sooooo focking ryosh. What a legend huh??
  
  So that Brings me to today and the goy from the Indo* is on his way with Paul and the first thing I will say is that after all my ordeals and the war against the northsiders, Im glad to be home,
  
  

  8 Comments 314 weeks

Education Info

College:

UCD, 2007
Nursing

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• How do u like ur eggs in the moring?

  1. boiled
  2. fried
  3. Im satisfied just as long as i get my kiss

  7 Comments

• Oxegen: yay r nay??leave ur vote in ur comments plz

  1. Yay
  2. Nay

  5 Comments

• Is a jaffa cke a cake r a biscuit??¿¿??¿¿

  1. Cake
  2. Biscuit
  3. Dis poll always bleedin wrecks me head so i dont know!!

  21 Comments

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