"And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever." And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely." Revelation 22:5,17

Abby's death has brought sadness, unbelievable pain, desperation at times, and questions that if answered we, perhaps, would not even understand. Her death has also brought a certain clarity of purpose or perhaps has amplified what we already had. As much as I've always looked forward to Heaven, hardly an hour goes by that I don't think about when will that day come.....will I see Abby right away....along with all the anticipation that we, as believers, share about seeing Jesus face to face and all the magnificence of Heaven.

I've been reading the book of Revelation again and what it says about things to come and the awesome New Jerusalem. My feeble mind cannot begin to comprehend that reality; the mighty throne of God, his court, and the glory that emanates from His Presence. I wish I was there to see it with her. Abby loved worship while she was here. On many occasions she would bring smiles all around as she added her voice to the choir's ending of a song with an enthusiastic "Yea!!" or a loud "Amen". One of her earliest words was "drum". She would run to the end of the hallway and stand by the baby gate that we had put there and, looking back at us, she would point into the room and say "drum" with pleading in her voice. Her expression was one of pure glee when I would carry her over the gate and sit her on the stool next to the drum. She would take great care in choosing which sticks she wanted to play with and, believe me, she always had a preference. I imagine her worshipping God with all of her might and all of her soul in a perfect place, living the way God intended for us to live all along.

I've marvelled, recently, at my own acute anticipation for the end of this life. Abby's departure has taken away so much of what sparkles here on earth. The happiness and fulfillment that she brought is only a memory now. Her death has drawn me closer to Christ and deeper into my relationship with Him, sometimes out of desperation and loneliness, but also because of this awareness that my dear Abby, my precious little girl that I held in my own arms, kissed with my own lips, and loved beyond my own comprehension, is now literally, physically there in the New Jerusalem with our loving Saviour. The struggle here is finding the drive to keep moving; to fulfill the purpose that He has for us when all we want to do is follow her home.

I have felt an internal, growing, earnest appreciation for how miraculously God has orchestrated redemption and eternal life for those who simply accept Christ for who He is and follow Him, AND, for the gift of grace that he bestows upon children, like Abigail, who die and have not reached an age where they understand enough to make that choice. I weep to think of this thing that I could not give her that he offered to her so freely; eternal life in a place where there is no need for a candle or the light of the sun; for God Himself giveth the light. Words do not do service to the gratitude that I feel, as her father, for the price that he paid for Abby's passage into Heaven, even though she lacked the understanding to comprehend the meaning of that gift. What love! What grace! What a tender, merciful, and generous God that He is. There is a blessed HOPE! There is joy in that hope. There is peace in that hope.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

No matter what we go through or what or who we've lost, God's grace is sufficient and Jesus Christ is the ultimate solution to whatever you find yourself trying to live without.

We as people put so much emphasis on so many things in this life that mean nothing at all. And it is so easy to do! This whole world is geared to quickly and efficiently take our focus away from what we cannot afford to live without; God. And don't think for a minute that it is that way by chance. Our enemy is clever beyond human comprehension and his arsenal of tools are so very effective when we allow them to be. Finances, jobs, health issues, marriage problems, material gain and wealth, the list is endless, and all so perfectly disguised as things that must be taken care of YESTERDAY!.

To have someone so precious as Abby taken from us has brought an awareness into our lives that we've never had before. We find ourselves talking about eternity and Heaven and our reunion with her all the time and not in terms of being eons from now, more like it begins tomorrow or tonight while we're asleep. It truly is the only real comfort that we can find anywhere. Where would Kristal and I be mentally and emotionally, right now, if not for the love of God? I can tell you, for myself, I would have ended my life already. The grief would be too much to bear if not for the hope and the assurance that God has made a way for us to come to Him and to Abby. There is only one thing that you and I cannot live without and that is the person, Jesus Christ. He is the key to it all. He is the key to our joy while we live here on earth, he is the key to our being the kind of people that others can walk alongside, and my favorite, he is the key to eternal life with God and our loved ones.

I am an empty shell of a man without Jesus Christ. In these circumstances, there is no comfort without Him. Not one drop of fulfillment can be found anywhere except through that unbreakable bond and relationship with God Himself. His promise of a great reunion gathering is the prize that is set before us. Praise be to God and his Son, Jesus Christ.

Abby, we are coming to you, Dear Baby. Because of the scars in the hands that hold you now, the way is made for us. I love you. I miss you. I'll see you there.

Late this evening, after most of our family had headed to their homes and those who remained were preparing to leave, I began to feel a dark, smothering loneliness and sadness that seemed to inch its way into our house like a slow moving fog. Thoughts of Abby and images of her sweet face had passed though my mind many times throughout the day accompanied by sharp pains of grief. But as the house emptied and distractions slipped away, the quietness and aloneness became so loud that I began to feel something almost like panic. Thoughts of going to my bed were now heart wrenching thoughts as, until now, Abby would often go with me until she fell asleep. I can see her now, out of the corner of my eye, as I would lie watching tv while she drifted off beside me. If for any reason my hand were to leave hers before she was completely asleep, she would raise her head off of the pillow and loudly protest, "HANDS!". I cannot help but smile at the telling of this memory even while the pain of sorrow drives its way into my heart. What a darling little companion she was. With my sweet and loving wife close by and our precious angel snuggled in beside me, a feeling of completeness that felt so natural would round out a stressful work day to perfection, everytime.

Just as the last of our family were preparing to go this evening, Kristal began to look at some pictures and video that Eva (Kristal's stepmother) had allowed me to transfer onto our laptop from hers, some of which we had not seen before of us and Abby, in the mountains, Christmas time, and other occasions that we had been with them. I noticed that Kristal was crying while she watched, her face a picture of heartache. Part of me wonders how much of this she should watch right now but, like myself, since Abby's death, she is drawn to any image of Abby, like a magnet.

As we held each other, crying to God and each other in total despair, wondering how could we face this terrible emptiness of Abby's absence, I remembered a little book that a friend had given me a couple of years ago called The Bible Promise Book. In it, the scriptures are organized by subject matter. I found the book and turned to the pages on faith, eternal life, death, and peace and began to read out loud these scriptures that now hold a totally new meaning for us. Psalm 73:26, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" and 1 Thessalonians 4:16, "For the Lord himself will come down from Heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first", and John 16:33, I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world". These words, along with many other scripture passages, passed through my eyes and mind, out of my mouth and into the room, punching a hole into the clouds of hopelessness. There was no doubt as to the incredible power of the Holy Spirit as He swept in through the gloom and into our prescence in mighty force. I could almost hear someone yell, "Here comes the cavalry". Kristal and I could literally feel the raging storm of grief and raw emotion began to dissipate as a holy peace drove out the dark smothering despair.

The peace of God is unexplainable. There is power in the scriptures that seemingly is sometimes only revealed at the moment of weakness and utter collapse. The flood of heartache will come again and again as we cope with the loss of our precious Abby, but for now, the torment has been pushed back and held to a bearable position and tonight the Holy Spirit stands guard.

Though I sit in darkness, The Lord will be my light. Bless His name.