The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it denos't mtater in waht oredr the ltetres in a
wrod are, the olny iprnoatmt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll
raed it wouthit a porbelm
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and
I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

Every weekend, my family and I would head to a nature reserve for an outing. A $5 fee is usually charged per entry. One weekend, we observed something strange. The car infront of us stopped at the entrance, declared, "I'm an ass," to the guards and was allowed to pass without paying.
We decided to try. We said hesitantly to the guard, "I'm an ass?" and were allowed in for free.
After making several free visits to the park (not to mention complete asses of ourselves), I finally figured it out: entrance fees were waived for members of the Malaysian Nature Society- MNS

The harried dad in the supermarket had a very bad case of parental burnout. His toddler would not sit down in the grocery cart, and he finally snapped.
"If you fall and break your leg," he scolded her,"don't come running to me."

"If my father hugged me even once, I'd be an accountant right now."

"Ow!" I yelled. My hand had been struck with a piece of wood from a wicker laundry basket. "I got a splinter under my fingernail." I called to my husband in the next room.
Ever the smart alec, he yelled back, "What were you doing? Scratching your head?"

Delighted at the birth of our new born baby, my wife was telling everyone about it- including the butcher.
"I just gave birth to a beautiful ten pound baby," she informed him.
The butcher nodded absently, his mind on the piece of meat he was chopping. "Was that with bones or without bones?"

"Could we reschedule?" my friend asked. "I have to take my dogs to the obedience school?"
"Obedience school?" I answered. "What if they don't go?"

While i was wandering around my hardware store, a young clerk came up to me. "Can i help you with something?" he asked.
"Wheres the WD-40?"
"Between the WD-39 and WD-41," he replied with a straight face, then broke into a grin. "Sorry." he apologised. "I've been waiting for a long time to say that to someone."

Some jokes. Anyone seen it before?

JAKE: Fear in a handful of dust

A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter,the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And i will show you something different from either
Your shadow in the morning striding behind you
Or your shadow in the morning rising to meet you;
I will show you Jake in a handful of dust.


If there pushed any ragged thistle-stalk
Above its mates, the head was chopped; the bents
Were jealous else. What make those holes and rents
In the dock's harsh swarth leaves, bruised as to balk
All hope of greeness? 'tis a brute must walk
Pashing their path out, with a brute's intent