1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say 'could be better' this
will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness
(or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she
cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you
are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over.
Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If
she is say 'you better be' , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning.
This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement,
and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because
jewellery is for p* ssy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When
she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words f** k you and grab the
other girls a*s e. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning
tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding
and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her
home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like
that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear '...because I
can.

9. Introduce her to your friends as 'some chick'. Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket...
then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say 'if you
don't stop b*tch ing about the cold right now you're going to be
b*tchi ng about a black eye.' The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at
the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't
girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home
and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her
self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt
and say 'No she's not hungry'. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a
guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a
spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell
on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm
talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her
no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her
material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is
that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present
she can ever get.