1,Indicators will give away your next move. A confident Irish driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because somebody else will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with WW, MO or MH plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the motorway.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ireland during rush
hour.

8. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

9. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ireland is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert!

10. It is tradition in Ireland to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

11. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windscreen right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

12. Remember that the goal of every Irish driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

13. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended. Can anybody say COMPO??!!

Things Buffers Cant live Without

01: A nice bit of ham.
02 : Buttered biscuits.
03 : Diggin' Houles.
04 : Saying it's too cold to snow.
05 : Pretending to know about The Ra.
06 : Tayto Cheese & Onion.
07 : Pretending they're in The Ra.
08 : A stretch in the evenings.
09 : Lucozade.
10 : Accordians.
11 : Pretending to like Holy Week.
12 : A dinner dance.
13 : Gettin clattered in muck.
14 : The saw doctors.
15 : Heifers.
16 : Spittin in their hands B4 doing anything manual.
17 : Steel toe caps.
18 : A big bowl of carrots & parsnips.
19 : Eating sangwiches out of the boot at GAA.
20 : Saying someones'Opened a Book'on something.
21 : The smell of fresh dung.
22 : Slice-Your-Own Loaf.
23 : Work Clothes.
24 : A bottle of mineral.
25 : Fightin'.
26 : Nice wooly jumpers.
27 : The Hurling/Football.
28 : Being overweight.
29 : Women wha resemble Heifers.
30 : Saying "Aaah" after taking their first sup of tay.
31 : Drink driving.
32 : The Fear of Change.
34 : A nice bit of barn brack.
35 : Lying.
36 : Building walls.
37 : Being starved with the cold?.
38 : Pretending to like mass.
39 : Talking about shite like Flax and the Corncrake.
40 : A good blackthorn walkin stick.
41 : Shouting'Yeeoo'when something good happens.
42 : Muhammad Ali.
43 : Machinery.
44 : Strange uppy-downy walks.
45 : A good f**kin read of Ireland's Own.
46 : Gelling their 1cm fringe to their forehead.
47 : Scandal, as long as it's about other people.
48 : Turf, because Sentirl heatin's for weemin.
49 : Soda farls.
50 : Sponge 'n Custirt.
51 : Newmerica', and anything to do with it.
52 : Givin the dog the wildest baytins.
53 : Givin the wife the wildest baytins.
54 : The Ra.
55 : Winning a leg of lamb in a raffle.
56 : Wrecking the house whilst steaming.
57 : Club Orange.
58 : Rubbing their hands B4 aetin' their dinner.
59 : The Foot & Mouth.
60 : Aetin' a big feed of spuds.
61 : TK Red Lemonade.
62 : Wearing Wolly Jumpers.
63 : Wellys.
64 : Sayin "Jaysus Thats A Grand Cup Of Tay".
65 : A Tin Of Beer.
66 : Sayin " Isn't She A Fine Animal.
67 : Calling Cars & Everything Else "She".
68 : Goin Out To Count The Cattle.
69 : Pullin Calves.
70 : A Fine Pint Of Guiness.
71 : Getting Pushed Down A Slide.
72 : Building Walls.
73 : Relics Of Motorcars.
74 : Footin Turf & Drinkin Tay From A Bottle.
75 : The Sayin "Gas" When Somethings Funny.
76 : Cleaning Pennys In Coke.
77 : The Film "The Field".
78 : Ford Fiestas(Festies) & Escorts.
79 : A Gallon Of Diesel.
80 : Going To The Creamery Or NCF.
81 : Drivin The Massey To Training.
82 : The Farmers Journel.
83 : Doin a bit o ditchin.
84 : Doin a line wit a winmenn.
85 : Tryin ta get a beast ta suck.
86 : Bread and buther.
87 : Using bailin twine for a belt.
88 : Going on holiday in a caravan.
89 : Potchin.
90 : Stew.
91 : A pint o the black shtuff.
92 : Having wakes.
93 : Goin to the fleadh ceoil.
94 : Havin a hooley.
95 : Having a reception n the parish hall.
96 : Using The Hurley to bate thistles.
97 : Calling the dole the rock and roll.
98 : Wearing Wranglers.
99 : Wearing check shirts.
100: Tucking the check shirt into the Wranglers.

guide to surviving any night.......... one for the alcoholics!!!!

SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in.
FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage