1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say 'could be better': this will keep her on her toes. And girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or, if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say 'you better be'. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear '...because I can.'

7. Introduce her to your friends as 'some chick'. Women love those special nicknames.

8. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

9. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say 'if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye.' the best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party’s dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

13. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

14. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

15. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say no she's not hungry. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

16. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

17. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. You know what I’m talking about.

18. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

19. If you’re listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

20. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

21. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. girls actually don't like this one that much but i think it's funny.

Untold Stories

1. Dave and Coomey pulled out their lads to compare size and shape in the middle of the kitchen
2. Eoin is now called Gollum. He climbed onto the roof twisted at 5 in the morning to spy on John and Gearoid talk. He was going to TRY to jump off the roof onto them if they started fighting.
3. Mike fell asleep standing up in the hall!!!
4. Dave gave an emotional empassioned to speach to the lads. They all cried and finished by giving each other a group hug.
5. Eoin tried setting up dave and kathryn, got bored and tried scoring with her himself
6. Catriona and Emer were dirty dancing in the living room singing Santa baby.
7. Gearoid scored with a guy
8. Sarah was so drunk!!!
9. Rumours were spread very fast and lots of things were taken out of context.
10. Dave broke the frame of the door.
11. Emer saw her first penis.
12. Coomey cycled emer home to kennelly.
13. Kathryn was the only person not to sleep, left for work at 9 wearing all of eoins clothes and gearoids size 10 shoes, make up still in perfect condition, stinking of drink. She minds children. This is the kind of person you trust with your (future) children.
14. The unbreakable bottle survived another night.
15. Porn was watched, analysed, and it was concluded that real people dont fuck like that.
16. Mark kennealy pulled kathryns dress over her head in the living room.
17. Everybody touched aonghus when he was asleep. They poked him, sat on him and gropped him. He didn't move once.
18. It was agreed that Bear Grylls is the man. I want to be him.