The International Council of Man laws, Ltd.

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10. You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of fart entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach ... And it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16. Women who claim they ‘love to watch sports’ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19 .If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly ‘just a friend’ have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ with ‘If you loved me, you’d know what I want!’ gets an Xbox. End of story.

28.There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

29. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

‘GUTS’ is arriving home late after a night out with The guys, being assaulted by your

1) Cheryl durin the ACCA visit - "would I have to serve in McDonalds and do accounts at the same time!" Doh!

2) During the CCS talk with the Chinese group and the reaction of the back row! Cheryl, Lisa, Mark, Pete, Wilson, Stu and Rico - disgraceful!Lol

3)The day I put my foot in it about the Subway toilets with somebody from the womans toilets sittin opposite and Cheryl textin to tell me! Red Faced Idiot I Am! Oh No!

4) The Ali Jackson comments and Cheryls outbursts at the Grad Ball durin speeches!

5) According to Mark when Pete eats Mars Bars!

6) Lisa trying to hug me on my 21st and fallin taking me with her!

7) Mark jumping over me and breakin his watch! Shame that!

In MODA when Pete was shoutin "You're not winding me up" when his face was bright red, he continued biting and steam was coming from his ears!

9) Everyday banter trying to wind each other up! Take a bow Cheryl, Lisa, Mark and Pete coz it sometimes worked! Aghh!

10) Pete snoozing in Auditing and many other classes! Wot do u do to him Caley?! zzzzzzzz!

11) Everyday chat about my elbows!

12) Lisas first year bus banter! Stoner!

13) Wilsons stalker at dissertation nite out! Ur a lucky man m8! Haha!

14) Lisa tryin to walk at Cav! Worth seeing!

HELICOPTER SUNDAY

Let me tell you the tale of a Sunday in May, We were two points
behind Celtic with one game to play.
They had been crowing " the title's in the bag, We've won the
league again, fly the flag, fly the flag. "
They would be taught a lesson they'll always remember, Don't write
off the Rangers, we never surrender.

We descended on Leith on the 22nd of May, The waiting was over, it
was judgement day.
With hope in our hearts and trannies in our hands, We packed
ourselves into the Easter Road stand.
The ref blew the whistle, the action began, A wave of excitement
swept over the fans.

But half an hour in came the news we were dreading, Sutton had
scored, for 2nd place we were heading.
Soon half-time arrived and the score remained zero, We looked to the
heavens and prayed for a hero.
The teams re-emerged and the second half started, Not one of our
loyal fans had departed.

Then all of a sudden - a promising break, Buffel to Novo who made no
mistake.
1-0 to Rangers, we were off the mark, Our attentions now turned to
events at Fir Park.
Celtic were coasting as the minutes ticked by, They sang Championees
and the Fields of Athenry.

But you and I know there was a sting in the tail, For theirs is a
club which is destined to fail.
Enter Scott MacDonald with an overhead kick, Douglas is nowhere and
Timmy is sick.

Their fans were despondant and looked to the skies, But there was no
solace there for their tear-stained eyes.
For a helicopter was approaching the ground, But it sure wasn't
landing, it was turning around.

Over on the touchline, O'Neill lost the plot, Astonishingly
brilliant, I think Fucking not!
Soon word reached Leith and the Rangers fans roared, The players on
the pitch knew that Motherwell had scored.
They kept possession, we awaited more news, Tension gripped all of
the red, white & blues.
Then two minutes later - a heart-warming sound, Another eruption at
our end of the ground.

2-1 to Motherwell and it had to be him, MacDonald again, not bad for
a Tim.
The final whistle sounded and the copter arrived, This time it was
landing with the SPL prize.
Strangers hugged strangers up and down the land, As the words KEEP
BELIEVING appeared in the stand

The singing began - " Cheer up Marty, Come over to our place, we're
having a party. "
And over at Ibrox, though minutes had passed, A sea of red, white & blue had amassed.
Hundreds of bears lined Edmiston Drive, The team bus arrived and the
place came alive.
The party continued well into the night, A reward for a season of
courage and fight.

And I urge fellow bears to take heed of this rhyme, As we find
ourselves now in more difficult times.
Protest if you must at the current regime, But unite on a Saturday
and get behind the team.
When you're finding it hard to muster belief, Think back to the day
when the sun shone on Leith.
Cos like the moon landings and JFK, We'll always remember that
Sunday in May.
The odds were against us but we won the race, Let the others come
after us, we welcome the chase.