On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)|

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Wats Ur Name?
R We Close?
Wat Do U Fink Bout Me?
Do U Hav A Crush On Me?
Wud U Kiss Me?
Describe Me In 3 Words..
If U Had Me For 30 Mins Wat Wud U Do?
Wat Was Ur 1st Impression Of Me?
Do U Still Fink The Same?
Wat Reminds U Of Me?
If U Cud Giv Me Anyfing Wat Wud It B?
How Well Do U No Me?
Wat Do U Like Best Bout Me?
Ever Wanted 2 Tell Me Sumfing U Cudnt?
Cud U Ever Love Me?
Giv Me A Nickname & Xplain Y..
R U Gona Put This On Ur Blog & C Wat I Say Bout U?
Anyfing 2 Say B4 U Go?

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time 1 know
where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 dollars to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice there, did you asshole?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet? If the bus came would I be standing here, dickhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears? A bottle of glue?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks. That's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McFuck.