a blind man walks into a ladies bar by mistake

he finds his way to the bar stool and orders a drink. after there for a while, he yells to the bartender,"hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
the bar immedatley falls absolutly quiet.

in a very deep voice, the woman next to him says, "before you tell that joke, sir, i think it is just fair - giving that you are blind you should no 5 things:

1: the bartender is a blonde girl.
2: the bouncer is a blonde girl.
3: im a 6ft tall, 220lb blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4: the woman sat next to me is a professional weight lifter and blonde.
5: the ladie to your right is a blonde and a professional wrestler.

now think about it seriously, mister. "do you still wanna tell that joke?"

the blind man thinks for a secound, shakes his head and declares, "nah, not if i have to explain it 5 times"

HOW TO DRESS LIKE A WOMAN

take off clothes and place them sectioned in the laundry basket according to lights and dark

walk to the bathroom wearing long dessing gown. if u see husband/boyfrend along the way, cover up any exposed areas

look at ur womanly physique in the mirror - make note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts etc. get in the shower

use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah and pumice stone

wash ur hair once wid cucumber and sage shampoo wid 43 added vitamins

your hair agen to make sure its clean

condition ur hair wid conditioner enhanced wid grapefruit and mint

wash face wid crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 mins until red.

wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

rinse conditioner off hair.

shave armpits and legs.

turn off shower.

squeegee off all wet parts surfaces in shower.

spray mould spots with tile cleaner.

get out of shower.

dry with towel the size of small country.

wrap hair in a super absorbent towel.

return to bedroom wearing lond dressing gown and the hand towel on head.

if you see your husband/boyfreind along the way cover up all exposed areas.



HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

take of cloths while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave in a pile on the floor.

walk naked to the bathroom.

if you see your girlfreind/wife along the way, shake willy at her makeing the "woo-woo" sound.

look at your manly physique in the mirror. admire the size of ur willy and scratch your bum.

get in the shower.

wash your face.

wash your armpits.

blow your nose in your hand and let the water rinse it off.

fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

spend majority of time wash privates and surronding area.

wash your bum leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

wash your hair.

make a shampoo mohawk.

wee.

rinse of and get out of shower.

partly dry off.

fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

admire willy size again.

leave shower open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

if you pass girlfreind/wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make "woo-woo" sound again.

throw wet towel on bed.

pik ur jonny!

Sainsbury's flavoured condoms: Making life taste better

Tesco's condoms: Every little helps!

Nike condoms: Just do it!

loreal condoms: because ur worth it

Craig David condoms: Whats your flaver?

Peugeot condoms: The ride of your life!

New galaxy textured condoms: Why have rubber when you can have silk?!

Pringles condoms: Once you pop you cant stop!

Halifax condoms: Who gives you extra?

Telletubbie condoms: Again again!!!

Cadburys creme egg condoms: How do you eat yours?

Churchill car insurance condoms: Ooohhhhh yes!!!

Gilette condoms: The best a man can get!

Insette condoms: For the extra hold

Mcdonalds condoms: I'm loving it!

Good year condoms: For a long ride go wide

Treseme condoms: Used by professionals

Lynx condoms: Because you never know when

Muller light condoms: So much pleasure but wheres the pain?

Andrex condoms: Soft strong and very long!!!

Sure crystal condoms: Unbeatable against white marks

Cadburys condoms: Give in to your happiness

Heinz condoms: Its all going on!

Flash condoms: Just sit back, relax and let Flash do all the hard work

Red bull condoms: Gives you wings

PC World's condoms: Were with you every step of the way

Frosties condom: There gunna taste great

Duracell condoms: You can just keep going and going......

sky condoms: join in

aero condoms: feel it melt in ur mouth

kitkat condoms:take a break

coca cola zero condoms: great taste, no sugar

cilit bang condoms: bang nd the dirt is gone

marks and spencers condoms: finest hand picked comdoms

kfc condoms: finger licking good

minstrels comdoms:melt in ur mouth not ur hands

safeway condoms: lightening the load

abbey national condoms: coz life is complicated enough

coca cola condoms: the real thing

burgerking condoms:home of the wopper

fcuk condoms: no comment required

halfords condoms: we go the extra mile

ronseal condoms: does excactly what it sez on the tin

royal mail condoms: saw this and thought of u

renault condoms: size realy does matter

ronseal quick dry condoms: it dry and water proof in thirty mins

domestos condoms: gets right unda the rim

hieneken condoms: reachs parts that others cant reach

carlsberg condoms: probably the best condoms in the world

AA condoms: for the forth emergency service

peperamy condoms: its a bit of an animal

ever redy condoms: keeps goin and goin

and the best one of all...

polo condoms: condom with the whole

DFS condoms : fink sofas fink DFS