1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay by.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Run around the meat aisles yelling MURDER MURDER

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"

EIGHT lasts:

8. last person kissed: hmmm

7. last beverage: O.J

6. last phone call: lynn

5. last text message: stany

4. last song played: one step at a time

3. last bubble bath: agggges ago

2. last time you cried: agges ago

1. last meal: a stew


EIGHT have you's:

8. have you ever dated someone twice: nope

7. have you ever been cheated on: nope

6. have you ever bought condoms? nope

5. have you ever kissed someone & regreted it? nope

4. have you ever fallen in love? with myself? hell ya

3. have you ever lost someone: yep

2. have you ever been depressed: nah

1. have you ever been drunk and thrown up: haha yehhh

EIGHT things you did in the past three days

1. Went to college: i went to skool....

2. Went to work: nope

3. Colored: yep...special school

4. Stripped: every night

5. Been drunk: i was a bit last night

6. Slept: Yeh

7. Been out at night? yep

8. Sex: nope


List THREE favorite colors..
1. blue
2. green
3. black


List TWO things you want to do before you die

1. travel more
2. buy a range rover

SO FAR IN 09'...

Been to school - yep!

Made a new friend - yeh

Bitched - yeh

Fallen out of love - nope!

Done something you swore never to do - nope

Punched someone - yeh only messing tho

Laughed until you cried- yep

Went behind your parents back- nope

Met someone who changed your life- nope

Made a wish- everynight at 11.11pm

Gotten close to someone - nope

Talked to God- nope

Found out who your true friends were – knew that a while back

1. Do you miss someone? yep

2. Single or taken? single

3. What base are you at? none

4. Straight, Gay, Bi? straight

5. Do you have a crush? i wouldnt call it a "crush"

6. Who is the best hugger that you know? my sister

7. Do you believe in love at first sight: nope

8. Is there something you want to tell someone? yeh

9. What brand of shirt are you wearing? billabong

10. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? haha i have

11. Do you have "A thing"? well we are friends? that a thing..

12. How many people do you trust on ur top 16 friends? maybe 5 of them, if that

13. How many kids do you want to have - dunno

14. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? yeh i spose

15. Do you wanna change your name? no i have the best name

16. What time did you wake up today? 10.30

17. What were you doing at midnight last night? i was in the com

18. Name something you CANNOT wait to do: finish the leaving

20. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? i wih i could b a little taller

21. Which hand do you like better? the left!

22. Explain your URL name: my nickname

23. Favourite food: just food in general

24. Do you love life? i do 99.9% of the time

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then ret