Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident
about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of
your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to
do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately, and with
a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent
you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will
be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never
knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine.

White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or
nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind
nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may
include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness,
loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of
virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration,
dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of
Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse
with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass
kicked.

Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or ,aTurkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Sotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

I miss all you guys so much, was the best summer EVER!!!

OTHER FRIENDS: Never ask for food
DISNEY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

OTHER FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Call your parents mom and dad.

OTHER FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...we messed
up...but that crap was fun!"

OTHER FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Cry with you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours and so do
you.

OTHER FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Will beat the mess out of the crowd that left you.

OTHER FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

OTHER FRIENDS: Are for a while.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Are for life.

OTHER FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "You
better drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste!!"

OTHER FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
DISNEY FRIENDS: Will knock them the hell out!!
... Atleast TRUE Disney friends will.