Ok so during the weekends i spend a lot of time either in the gym (this isn't as energetic as it sounds, i go to Tai Chi on saturday then end up have lots of tea and gossip with the class afterwards) of bumming around infront of the TV. And - possibly because i spend way too much time thinking with the marketing part of my brain - I analysise everything and a lot of it pisses me off.

So starting with a trailer i've just seen for this calum best thing on mtv - he's not gonna have sex for 50 days. OH DEAR GOD HE MAY JUST DIE!!!!! Fair enough he's obviously a crazy sex all the time type celebrity guy but still 30 days is really quite nothing. Try 10 months boy-o!

Next the fairy washing up liquid advert. Does anyone actually buy washing up liquid with the main decision making factor of 'Oo i want something that will treat my hads well!' and if you're thinking "yeah of course and do!" then stop lying!!! You buy washing up liquid based on a)whats cheap or on offer and b) - possibly the most important! - WHAT WILL FUCKING CLEAN THE DISHES!!!!!

Possibly the weirdest advertising conundrum I have come across - Why does no one wonder why there are all of a sudden women in pink in their house complaining about the fact that their white clothing isn't as white as it could be (Dear God No!!) and suddenly covering their clothes in jam or wine or grass and shoving them in a big tank of water - which has also appeared from nowhere!

I do like the Domestos grot buster ad that just came on....

I actually am fighting off the urge to write to Treseme about the advert for their salon silk shampoo. I happen to use that shampoo and that woman goes in with crazy hair, the guy washes it, then her hair is UBER straight. This does not happen. At all. Bastards. (by the way i was using it before i saw the advert, i did not see the advert then go get the shampoo on the premise of this amazing anti frizz ability)

How does Impulse intend to fix romance??? Really! Someone please explain it to me, I'd love to know....

The new lynx ad. Dude, girls don't think you're weird cos you're sweating. Its cos you've got crazy fucked up creepy eyes!!!!!

Aaah, tis good to rant

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of
the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the
revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she
does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America
without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and
'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping
half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your
behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the
reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your
original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers,
or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort
things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not
grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to
carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are
properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and
dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager.
New Zealand beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the
greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They
are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters.
Watching An

1. Seated Row's are not, repeat NOT designed for women! They hurt our boobies....

2. Men are funny when they lift weights next to a girl, even if they are lifting 3 times te weight, if they've stopped for a break & the girl starts again they get all irritable

3. Sit ups are a new innovative formof self punishment - but a good type!

4. Men who can do push ups, clapping inbetween each one...... VERY HOT.

5. Spin Classes are just odd.

6. Old men at the gym are just terrifying.... Especially when they do lunges...