1. People who point at their wrist while
asking for the time....I know where my
watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours?
Do I point at my cr*tch when I ask where
the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their
a*se to search the entire room for the
TV remote because they refuse to walk to
the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to
have your cake and eat it too".
F*cking right!
What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the
last place you look".
Of course it is.
Why the f*ck would you keep looking after
you've found it?
Do people do this?
Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film
"did you see that?".
No t*sser, I paid 10 quid to come to the
cinema and stare at the f*cking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".
Didn't really give me a choice there,
did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it?
If it's new,then there has never been
anything before it.
If it's an improvement,then there must have
been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short".
What the f*ck??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone
ever f*cking does!!
What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus
and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here,
Kn*bhead?

10. People who say things like
'My eyes aren't what they used to be'.
So what did they used to be? ears,
Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and
someone asks 'Is that nice?'
No it's really revolting - I always eat
stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going
to the toilet.
Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't
understand you unless you insert the 'Mc'
before the item you are ordering.....
It's has to be a McChicken Burger,
just a Chicken Burger get blank looks.
Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your
McEyes you f*cking McT*sser.

14. When you involved in a accident and
someone asks 'are you alright?'
Yes fine thanks,

Fiddy
~~~ ''i think i'd be a much more stylish boy than i am a stylish girl!!''
~~~ ''its funni u mention that... i was just think bout what it'd be like to have a big beard!!''
~~~ ''oh wow!! we should start up a detective society and stalk people!!''
~~~ ''later shwaker! ohhhh later sKater!!!
~~~ ''can i have a W.K.D. please?'' YOU WHAT????


Loughy
~~~ ''THERES STEAM COMING OFF THE HEAT!!!!''
~~~ ''OMG!! i'm blind in my eye!!!''
~~~ '' what are fiends and fiores??''
~~~ ''huh? where are we? where re we?? wat are we doing in the lads house??'' ROUGH NIGHT!!
~~~ ''KEN! KEN! we're going to sit in a bush... or a stump... or something.... OVER THERE!!!
~~~ ''I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE BILLYS BABIES!!'' i laughed, infact i'm still laughin, it was that funni!!
~~~ "OH MY GOD.... WHATS HAPPENED TO MY FOOT???!?!
oh wait, its only a shadow! phew!!!"

Calum
~~~ "These fuckin jocks are brakin my head, i keep poppin outta them" "HUH??" "what? theres a flap!!" YUCK!!!

RONAN!!
~~~ she looks like something outta that fairytale story... with the bread-crumbs... hansel and gretel?... yeah she looks like the door or the fucking gingerbread man or something!!
~~~ if you shaved my legs they'd have better definition than her yokes!
~~~ she looks like she got her face smashed through the make up counter at brown thomas and fell into all the fucking make up on the way through.
~~~ someone threw a fucking shovel of make up at her.... like WHAPOW!!!
~~~ how bout i smash this cup of luke warm tea in you face and burn you gently!?
~~ i swear to god i thought she was a pillow!!


Randomness
~~~ 'she yanked the fucking balls off of me!!' (out the back of Dunne Stores) my personal favourite EVER!!
~~~ 'RONAN GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ASS!!!!'
~~~ ''Wouldn't it be terrible if you were to fall off the horse head first into a wing and spend the next 6 months in rehab bouncing a basketball??''
~~~ '' What are you gonna do with the daddy long legs?? KEEP IT!!!!

~~~ Brian: At least u hav arm-pit hair!
~~~ Billy: Why, don't u hav any??

~~~ Fiona 'can we have a table for twelve please? that'd be either very large single table,or two 6 seaters, or three 4 seaters, or four 3 seaters or two 6 seaters, preferably a larger table tho....'

Croatia
~~~Brian: 'Why don't u write me a note b4 u wake me and when i see it i'll get back to you if i wanna be woken!!'

~~~Brian: FUCK ME YOUR TEETH ARE SPARKLEY!! THEY'RE ALL I CAN SEE!!!!

~~~Brian: how many quarters are in a match??

1. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don t use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I WON!!'