I love that you click on 'Write to My Blog'. It makes me want to type "Dear Blog" and follow on as if I am writing a letter. It's little things that keep me happy apparently. Anyhoo, I have decided to write to my blog since I was remembering back in the day, when I was quite the regular blogger, I was much cooler. That is probably not related to the excessive blog writing and more to the lack of worries but a girl can try.

I asked Jeeves what makes people cool. I got a pop-up of a dinosaur. So it wasn't the regular blogging that made me cool, it was the fact I used to be a dinosaur. Duh.

I do think there are certain aspects of my person that are cool. Namely these facts; I have a turret, I have a sweeping fringe and I can do a fantastic rendition of Build Me Up with help from a certain Mr. Scott Wallace. Unfortunately these are probably cancelled out by these facts; I have a My Little Pony bed sheet, I record Neighbours and I do a rendition of Build Me Up with help from a certain Mr. Scott Wallace. At least I'm not Marchant... I'll just stop caring, it will make things much easier. Nonchalance is cool, right?

(Yours sincerely,

Iona.)

P.S Marchant isn't that bad. I mean he's not as cool as Hitler but he is cooler than ...um... sorry, I got nothing.

Peep show. My friends. When Guinness gets scared of flies. The Young Ones. Ian with his Ian-ness. Dave's cast of Heroes impressions. Cheesy innuendos (In-your-end-oh!). Brrrrrrrrr. Black Books. The infamous cat go woof joke. The fact I managed to make the cat go woof joke infamous . Flight of the Conchords. Fry sitting on Lauries head. Happy Tree Friends. Tickles.

And this, from the Guardian -

"99 problems but my pitch ain't one"

Glasto 2008 star Jay-Z has got his tent up OK, but now his problems really begin...

1. I ain't even know where Glastonbury is.

2. England? OK. I ain't even know where that is either.

3. Ticket mofos put me on hold for a half-hour.

4. And then I couldn't get a ticket for my grandma.

5. They sayin' that I can't bring my guns on to the site.

6. And that my diamond-encrusted tent be a security risk.

7. They limitin' the size of my entourage to 25.

8. And that mean my night manicurist and personal biographer got to stay at home.

9. That farmer dude who runnin' this look kinda weird.

10. They tellin' me I can't get my £100,000,000 upfront.

11. I ain't got no power point to run my 68in television.

12. And no TV means no Britain's Got Talent. Piers Morgan, he my bro for real.

13. I ain't near enough the health stations - what if there's an emergency of some kind?

14. Jo Whiley all up in my shit.

15. They sayin' that I can't bring my pet leopard on to the site neither.

16. They sayin' that the lyrics to Big Pimpin' ain't appropriate for performance. Say what?

17. Carl Barat be playing a guerrilla gig in my champagne cooler.

18. There's no Roscoe's House of Chicken'n'Waffles anywhere on site. They lied to me!

19. Cash machines only let me take out £400 at a time, so I got nothing to light my cigars with.

20. They telling me they ain't goin' to honour my request to have my own druid for the whole three days.

21. And that £350,000 is an excessive amount for a rider.

22. They tellin' me now that P Diddy got a tent with 5sq ft more ground coverage than mine. That's beef!

23. There don't seem to be no lap-dancing tent.

24. I ate the brown acid.

25. My falafel was inadequately prepared.

26. And what's a falafel anyway?

27. I said to my entourage that the food was "falaffable" and ain't nobody laugh.

28. I have lost several tiles from my Travel Scrabble.

29. I think the couple having sex in the tent next to mine are undercover feds.

30. I had some Three Musketeers bars in my rucksack but they melted and now my socks be all chocolatey.

31. Somebody wrote "PISS HERE - IT'S WATERPROOF" on my tent.

32. The camping area has a "No Pimping After 9pm" rule.

33. Three of my crew went up to the poetry field 36 hours ago and I never saw them again.

34. Jo Whiley still all up in my shit.

35. The couple having sex in the tent next to mine asked me to join them - that's a set up!

36. I just paid £3 for a can of lager and the shit is warm, yo!

37. I went back and bought two more and he said he had no change for the tenner!

38. The man at the pitta and hummus stand steadfastly refuses to address me as "the God J-Hova".

39. And he don't toast his pittas for long enough.

40. My tent is apparently situated on an accursed ley line and so my first born will be bent of back and cloven of hoof.

41. People keeps throwing bottles of piss at Beyoncé.

42. I don't know what they throwing at me but it ain't piss.

43. Keith Allen all up in my business.

44. My camping stove out of gas.

45. Jigga don't fuck with no chemical toilets.

46. Jigga don't fuck in no chemical toilets.

47. Jigga can't find the chemical toilets.

48. No, I do not want a henna hand tattoo of a Maori symbol.

49. Chris Martin be botherin' me. Step off, cracker.

50. My socks have gotten all damp, giving rise to concerns about trenchfoot and similar malaises.

51. The Pigeon Detectives did an impromptu acoustic se

Two years ago, give or take, I wrote 101 things about me. I was 16 and had just finished school. Technically speaking the world was my oyster. I never did like oysters though...

1. I am still Iona.
2. Quintessentially I am the same as I ever was.
3. I still have my dad’s sense of humour, eyes, feet, armpits, personality, music taste and mannerisms. Unfortunately I don’t have his brains or bank balance.
4. I am worried about my dad; he gets a new car every three years. Surely someone shouldn’t have that many mid-life crises?
5. I have bonded with my mum so much more recently now I can appreciate how much she has done for me.
6. I still don’t get on with my brother but he started it!
7. I’m studying History, B-logy and Education at Stirling University. History puts me off staying at uni but biology balances that out by being totally fascinating.
8. I don’t study nearly as much as I should and I hate myself for it. I keep finding myself distracted by plastic balls or squirrels. And alcohol obviously.
9. Today I don’t like Stirling very much; next week no doubt I will say that it is the best place ever.
10. Overall I wouldn’t change it though; I’ve met too many fantastic people. That being said I have met some downright insults to humanity. I guess we can’t have it all.
11. I live in a castle. The novelty of this wore off after a few months, now I just get lonely and can’t be bothered cooking proper meals for myself.
12. I saved a man’s life once. He passed out when I was driving past him so I was all Recovery position! Ambulance! Blanket! He was a habitual drunk and apparently is always passing out. I feel this cheapens my heroic act.
13. I have given blood twice so far. The first time I got so excited I told everyone, the security guard and the cleaner from my old job were just two of the people who couldn’t care less.
14. I am incapable of keeping my guilty secrets from people. If you don’t know I love dancing to the Hairspray soundtrack in the shower then you don’t know me.
15. I love dancing to the Hairspray soundtrack in the shower. So now you know.
16. If I was attacked be a crazed guy and I had to choose between being blind or death I wouldn’t even need to hesitate to answer. Without music life doesn’t seem quite so special. Knowing me I would probably engage him in a conversation and end up dancing at him, he would get annoyed and disable both those senses. Best be staying away from crazed people with big knifes then.
17. I like dots. I couldn’t tell you why, I just do.
18. I am always wearing at least one item of clothing with dots on them.
19. If I had to choose the one thing I hated most in life it would be when people leave the toilet seat up.
20. Hell hath no fury like me when my toilet seat has been left up.
21. People who talk with their mouth full and don’t dot their i’s annoy me more than Fern Cotton.
22. Fern Cotton really pisses me off. Just ask my mum.
23. I was sick in a cup once. Not many people can say that. I can’t imagine why people would want to though.
24. I truly believe the NHS should prescribe custard, it’s like savlon but tastier.
25. I wish I could see what people think of me. That way I would either see that I’m not that bad or I would know to back off and stop annoying them.
26. Contrary to popular belief in the AKD hall I can actually cook.
27. I’ve been referred to as the girl who makes cakes don’t cha know.
28. I’ve also been referred to several therapists but that’s another kettle of fish.
29. I am the only person I know who has been knocked down by a parked car, knocked out by a fat person and had their hand sliced with a strawberry. Not all at once though.
30. Giving and receiving exact change makes my day.
31. If I get really annoyed at you for no apparent reason it means you mean the world to me.
32. Jani and Tom can back me up there. You guys are heroes for putting up with me.
33. Technically