this is a story about a couple who had been happily married
for years.

the only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit
of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. the noise would
wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp
for air.

every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
it was making her sick. he told her he couldnt stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. she told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out.

the years went by and he continued to rip them out. then one
thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he
was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard,
liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

she took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep
and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his unerpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his
shorts.

some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bath room. the wife could hardly control
herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!

after years of torure she reckoned she had got him back pretty good...

about twenty minutes later, her husband came dowstairs in his bloodstained
underpants with a look of horror on his face.she bit her lip as she asked
him what was the matter.

he said, "honey you were right." "all these years you have warned me and
i didn't listen to you".
"what do you mean?" asked his wife.
"well, you always told me that one day i would end up farting my guts out,
and today it finally happened."
but by the grace of god, some vaseline and two fingers, i think i got most of them back in."

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'