Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven God went missing for
seven days.

Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He enquired of God
"Where were you?" God breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds. Look son, look what I'm after making".

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said "What is it?" God
replied It's another planet, but I'm after putting Life on it. I've named it Earth and there's going to be a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America will be poor, and the narrow bit joining them will be a hot spot.
Now look over here I've put a continent of whites in the North and
another one of blacks in the South."

Then the Archangel said "What's that green dot there?"

"Ahhh, that's the Emerald Isle," God said, "that's a very special
place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on Earth, beautiful
mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and exquisit coastline. These people here are going
to be great craic and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be playwrights and poets, singers and songwriters And I'm going to give them this black liquid, which they're going to go mad on, and for which people will come from the far corners of the Earth to drink."

Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then seemingly startled, he said, "Hold on a second, what about BALANCE, you said there was going to be balance..?"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting
next door to them!!

Everyone's favorite lovable and opinionated bastard. Whether he's obsessively deadlocked singing Styx lyrics or plotting to wreak havoc over his current victim, it is nearly impossible to resist his charm.


Mr. Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
Mr. Garrison: What did you just say?!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry (Clears throat and pulls out megaphone), actually what I said was, "How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?"
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: Respect My Authority!
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Mr. Garrison: Does anyone know what sexual harassment means?
Cartman: When you are tying to have intercourse with a special lady friend and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.
Quote Rating: 9.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Cartman: Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!