Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is dead.


A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.


Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.


What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.


Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.


How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.


Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.


Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of
strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man
replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug
habit.'


Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps
out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then
wanders off.


Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell
pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated areas such as rainforests


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't.


What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Being raped

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
One was the first man on the moon, the other's a child molestor.


Doctor, I've broken my leg.
I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.


There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman and they are all
trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.


Why did the Jew cross the road?
To escape the Nazis.


Did you hear about the Irishman found under a shop?
He was killed and buried there. It was gang-related.


What's the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.


What do you get if you cross a horse and a donkey?
A mule.


A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other

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