Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.
Ace Ventura: Pleasure to meet you.
Melissa: Did you have any trouble getting in?
Ace Ventura: No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.

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Dan Marino: Hey Ace, got anymore of that gum?
Ace Ventura: That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs.

---------

Ace Ventura: If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer.

---------

Ronald Camp: I'll have the plumbing checked immediately, Mr. Ace.
Ace Ventura: See that you do. If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.

--------

Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.

---------

Lois Einhorn: Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone.
Ace Ventura: Is it number one or number two? I just want to know how much time I have.

--------

Mr. Shickadance: Ventuuurrraaa.
Ace Ventura: Yes, Satan? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.

--------

Ace Ventura: [as Captain Kirk] Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it. If I have to tear this universe another black hole, I'm going to find it. I've... GOT TO, MISTER.

--------

Lois Einhorn: And somebody get me some coffee!
Ace Ventura: Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee.

--------

Ace: That's a lovely wrap you're wearing! Perhaps I could buy you some fluffy new slippers, made from the heads of innocent and defenseless baby seals!
The Monopoly Guy: Who is this ghastly man?
Ace: Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And YOU must be the Monopoly guy! Hey.
[whispering]
Ace: Thanks for the free parking.
Pompous woman: Another ACTIVIST, McGuire.
The Monopoly Guy: Activist, yes
[snobby laugh]
Ace: [imitating him] activist, yes, mhmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!
Pompous woman: Mr. Ventura, there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. You should try it sometime.
Ace: Alrighty then!
[smacks man in the face which knocks him unconscious, drapes him over his shoulders and begins to sing and dance exotically]
Ace: [shakes man] Do not pass go! Do not collect $200!

----------

[with Greenwall at top of a huge set of stairs leading to a temple]
Ace: I'll meet you at the bottom. There's still one more thing I must do before I go...
[close-up of slinky going down temple stairs]
Ace: Isn't this incredible? IT'S GONNA BE SOME KIND OF A RECORD! Everyone loves a Slinky, you gotta get a Slinky, Slinky, Slinky, go Slinky go!
[runs down to see Slinky stopped on second last step]
Ace: Awww man! Can you believe it. It was right there!

---------

Ace: If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use *your* body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!

---------

Ace: [parking] Like a glove!

---------

Ace is going at top speed towards the parking lot]
Fulton Greenwall: Perhaps we should slow down just a teensy-weensy bit?
Ace: Nonsense, Poopy-Pants!

GET IT.

I have it pre-ordered. Listened to the leak a couple of times. FUCKIN' CLASS.

Listen to the vid on me profile. Awesome stuff altogether.

The leaked songs were taken off youtube by the bastards of Roadrunner but its a live vid of Kirisute Gomen (Only a minute long though, no full version) played in Japan, UNREAL.

I've got something in my front pocket for you
Why don't you reach on in my pocket and see what it is
Then grab onto it
It's just for you
Give a little squeeze and say 'How do ya do'
There's something in my front pocket
There's something in my front pocket
There's something in my front pocket