1) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella,
unless at rugby, and your pie is getting wet, then, for the eating period
only, it is permissible.

2) It is ok for a man to cry under the following
circumstances:

a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.


c) After wrecking your boss's car.

d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into the Crying Game".


e) When she is using her teeth.
3) Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be
legally killed and eaten by his mates.

4) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail
a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5) If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his
sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge
is forbidden. However you can complain at will if the temperature is
unsuitable.

7) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is
strictly optional.

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit
stops, not the weakest.
9) When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting
event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never
ask whose playing.
10) You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you intentionally trap her head under the
covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
girlfriend.

11) It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach… and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel… and it's free.
12) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


15) If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
anything.

16) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain
offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports
watchers.

17) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
must remain sober enough to fight.

1 Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both - that's just greedy.

19) If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.

20) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of
yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: I.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
need.

23) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.

24) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal 'drunken monkey sex', the fact that you're feeling
weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again
before the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.

25) It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
acceptable for her to drive

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