The Ball:
Our answer to The Eifil Tower, The Golden Gate Bridge,... etc. All of these other attractions are good, but are any of them on a Guinness ad? Are any of them balls? No!


The Naas Town Centre Penis:
A feat of Architectural GENIUS! Newbridge might have The White Water.. but do they have a Knob (apart from the people living there)?


Lego Land
Our answer to "The Great Pyramids". Rumour has it this took over 100 years to build, seven hundered million pieces of lego were used in its construction, and was put together by 10,000 Polish slaves to mark the life and death of "Emperor Cornflake the Drunk".


The Dip
Our answer to the Grand Canyon, not quite as impressive but serves a useful commuity function, football pitch and knacker drinking haven.


The Mexx
Future buriel site of Ed Walshe, in years to come will have equal significance in terms of the attracting tourists to that of Jim Morrison"s grave in Paris!


The Nal
Our answer to The Nile, The Mississippi and The Liffey. Squating place of rats, bums, and roudy teens.


The Courthouse
Our answer to The Old Bailey. Has been used in many hollywood movies, main function now is to process court cases of Newbridge criminals... as their own court house "mysteriously" diapeared!!





Naas"s Finest:

DECO (CRUSTY):
Full Name: Declan
Age: Unknown
Height: 5"4"
Weight: 12st
Favourite Drink: Cosmipoliton
Favourite Place: Bushes (especially 1s close to girls)
Look: "dirty look", a riveting look, can only be performed after very very heavy drinking, and can only be pulled off by some1 wearing Celtics famous double winning jersey of the 97/98 season!
Party Piece: mumbling, being crusty, asking for money
Favourite Position: Standing Up
Best Feature: Nice Arse
Fears: Settling down and getting a job
Favourite song: Dirty Old Me
Deco True Story:
Deco: can I get a few euro off ya"s lads?
Un-named legend: No fuck you, I"ve been givin you money for years, in fact you give me money ya dirty scroungey cunt!!



TRACY:
Full Name: Tracy Browne
Age: Unknown
Height: 5"8"
Weight: 12st
Favourite Drink: Tesco Value Vodka
Favourite Place: Bus Shelters
Look: "bringing sexy back look", very seductive, Justin Timberlake I believe wrote a song about it. Once her blood shot dilated eyes meet with yours, its straight to the nearest public toilet for you! I cant believe she"s not 1 of the "naas angels"!!!
Party Piece: being sexy
Favourite Position: missionary
Best Feature: full set of teeth
Fears: rejection
Favourite song: i"m bringin sexy back



P.K
Full Name: Patsy Kelly
Age: Unknown
Height: 5"8"
Weight: 19st
Favourite Drink: Fat Frog
Favourite Place: the canal
Look: "can I have 20 johny b"s, a box of matches, and a bottle of your 2nd least expensive cider look"
Party Piece: line dancing
Favourite Position: any
Best Feature: long flowing locks
Fears: showers
Favourite show: celebrity love island



ROBOCOP:
Full Name: Mark Doran
Age: Twenty Somethin
Height: 5"10"
Weight: 13st
Favourite Drink: Guinness
Favourite Place: The Dip
Look: "The Power look" dont mess with me kind of look
Party Piece: arresting, slapping wrists, trying to be cool, writing down peoples names and addresses
Favourite Position: sitting on his bike
Best Feature: immaculate hair
Fears: Crime
Favourite song: scrubs theme tune

1) The GAA player who played in front of 80,000 at the weekend will be teaching your children, selling you meat or fixing your drains on Monday morning. The soccer player who plays in front of 80,000 will be moaning about playing too many games and will be trying to sell you his personalised brand of leisure wear

2) GAA nicknames are better (The Bull, The Bomber, etc.) . Soccer players just add a Y to their surnames

3) Dublin vs Meath is a real derby. What does Utd. Vs City mean to Ronaldo or Sibierski

4) How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer eleven. One to stick it in and ten to surround and kiss him after he does it

5) Soccer players go to the papers after a game. GAA players go to the pub

6) John Terry would run a mile if he came up against Francie Bellew

7) GAA teams are numbered 1-15. A soccer team reads like the lottery results

All soccer players wear shin pads. Some hurlers wear helmets

9) Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA

10) The GAA is about where you're from. Soccer is about who you like

11) No segregation at GAA games

12) No soccer team has a nickname quite as lovely as the Fighting Cocks of Carlow

13) Bubble perms never made it to Croke Park

14) A scoreless draw in the GAA would be quite a novelty

15) The GAA may not appreciate its women as much as it should but at least we all know who Cora Stanunton is. The most famous woman in English soccer is Posh Spice

16) Under age players get to be part of the biggest days in hurling and football at half-time in the All-Ireland.

17) Micheal O'Murchearaigh.

1 If a GAA player ever jumped at a spectator like Eric Cantona did the rest of his team would join in. So would the rest of the crowd.

19)Vinnie Jones grabbed Gascoignes testicles. Paudie O'Se decked Joe McNally during the National Anthem. McNally learnt his lesson. Gascoigne just got worse.

20) The GAA season always leaves you wanting more. The soccer season leaves soccer people demanding less. "Fewer games please"

21) Old soccer players get testimonials, Old GAA players just slip down to junior.

22) Rural villages = A Church, A Post-office, a Pub and a GAA pitch.

23) Pints after the match with the lad you knocked seven lumps of shite out of in the game.

24)Croke park on a Summer's Day.

25)Roman Abramovich can buy the League. You can't buy Sam!!

1.Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Would u kiss me?
5. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18. R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19. Anything 2 say b4 u go