You couldn't make this shit up..... !!

Sunday morning I met a young whore,
Lady of the night,
Lay my hand on her breast with pride,
Requested that she kissed my heart
And i asked her to stop at the crack of dawn
Or else my wife would know.
I place my hand on her vagina
I’m your young boy & I love your face
And i will come first at the start of Youghal.
That you will get your honour as woman of the street.

And I feel your silk – your dress, your coat, your nightie.
And you will have your own brothel if you ignore love
And lovely young babies walking around the house.
And I am in suspicion of your marriage
But i want to be in your clitoris!!
And you must return to your own country.
Everything you have promised of fulfillment you will not fulfill.
And it will stick on me in the middle of the night
And you will scream home without giving me a boot.
And I will meet you in the middle of the night on the road.

You promised me you would be hard on me.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven God went missing for seven
days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him. He enquired of God "Where
were you?" God breathed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed
downwards through the clouds. Look son, look what I'm after making".
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said "What is it?" God replied It's
another planet, but I'm after putting Life on it. I've named it Earth
and there's going to be a balance between everything on it.

For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be
rich and South America will be poor, and the narrow bit joining them
will be a hot spot. Now look over here I've put a continent of whites
in the North and another one of blacks in the South."

Then the Archangel said "What's that green dot there?"
"Ahhh, that's the Emerald Isle," God said, "that's a very special place.
That's going to be the most glorious spot on Earth, beautiful mountains,
lakes, rivers, streams and exquisit coastline. These people here are
going to be great craic and they're going to be found traveling the
world. They'll be playwrights and poets, singers and songwriters And
I'm going to give them this black liquid, which they're going to go mad
on, and for which people will come from the far corners of the Earth to
drink."

Michael the Archangel gasped in wonder and admiration, then seemingly
startled, he said, "Hold on a second, what about BALANCE, you said there
was going to be balance..?"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next
door to them!!

1. Full Name: Niamh Morley
2. Nickname(s): niamhus, morley
3. Birthday: 10/12/1989
4. Place of Birth: Castlebar
5. Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
6. Male or Female: Female
7. Grade: College 1st yr!
8. School: Mount St.Michael's (now NUIM)
9. Occupation: student, with 2wknd jobs(great!)
10. Residence: Riordan 1C..come visit
11. MSN Screen Name: never use it!

__Your Appearance___

12. Hair Color: blondie-brown
13. Hair Length: shoulder length!
14. Eye color: green-ish, kinda brown sometimes. I have weird eyes
15. Make-up: yup, annoyin tho!
16. Height: 5ft 7 last time i checked but i think im shrinkin!
17. Braces?: Nope
18. Glasses?: No, kinda need them tho!
19. Piercings: thinkin bout gettin my tongue pierced?
20. Tattoos: never...think of when ur old & wrinkly! eww!
21. Righty or Lefty: lefty - yes, we rule!


___Your 'Firsts'___

22. First best friend: umm, caitlín? (luv ya kat )
23. First Award: Irish Dancing or music id say!
24. First Sport You Joined: Gaelic
25. First pet: kittens i think but they died!
26. First Real Vacation: Lanzarote
27. First Concert: Westlife
28. First Love: ahh that'd be tellin !

___ Favorites___
29. Movie: Step Up 2, it's so saucy (in hoban's words!)
30. TV Show: Home & Away, The Hills
31. Color: Purple, Blue, Green
32. Rapper: Kanye
33. Music: bita everythin
34. Song Right Now: hey there, i like ur hair, hu duz ur hair? i wanna go there!
36. Candy: Kinder Eggs!
37. Sport to Play: Gaelic, Tag Rugby was mental craic in skul..with hutton!
40. Store: New Look
41. School Subject: Gaeilge
42. Animal: don't like animals, they smell
43. Book: don't really read!
44. Magazine: Cosmopolitan, U

___Currently___

46. Feeling: cold, bored
47. Single or Taken?: taken
48. Have a crush: well, ya!
49. Eating: Nope
50. Drinking: ur makin tea are ya?
51. Typing: my personal assistant is yea
52. Online?: of course!
53. Listening To: Oh Holy Night -Celine Dion, dont ask!
54. Thinking About: College!
55. Wanting To: go to college NOW
56. Watching: The screen
57. Wearing: hoody, jeans and my comfy slippers

___Your Future___

58. Want Kids?: in about ten years!
59. Want to be Married?: of course!
60. Careers in Mind: secondary school teaching
61. Where do you want to live: beside a lake!
62. Car: if i had any car it'd be great

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

63. Hair color: depends, usually go for dark tho
64. Hair length: short, except for surfer dudes!
65. Eye color: depends
67. Cute or Sexy: bita both
68. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: Both, but dey HAVE to be gud at givin hugs
70. Short or Tall: taller than me
71. Easygoing or serious: Easy goin
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: bita both
73. Fatty or Skinny: in between - muscular!!
75. Hook-up or Relationship: no man-whores thanks!
76. Sweet or Caring: both
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant: both

___Have you ever___

78. Kissed a Stranger: ha, loadz
79. Had Alcohol: waaayyy too much!
80. Smoked: one or two, don’t smoke..hate it with a passion!
81. Ran Away From Home: nope
82. Broken a bone: sprained my wrist once or twice
83. Got an X-ray: yup
84. Been with someone: yup
85. Broken Someone's Heart: ha, doubt it!
86. Broke Up With Someone: kinda
87. Cried When Someone Died: ya
88. Cried At School: when we lost the all-irl semi's dis yr in gaelic i admit i cried at the grad mass aswell..!

__Do You Believe In___

89. God: ya
90. Miracles: ya
91. Love At First sight: lust, not love
92. Ghosts: yeh, if i ever see one ye'll all hear me scream!
93. Soul Mates: yeh
94. Heaven: ya
95. Hell: not sure
96. Kissing on The First Date: sure im pure innocent, aint dat rit jamie?
97. Horoscopes: sometimes

___Answer Truthfully___
98. Is there someone you want but you know you can't have?: brian o'driscoll, it sucks...haha joke, no i have who i want!
99. Have i ran out of