Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceede

Full Name: Thomas Michael Hill
~Nicknames: HILLY>HILLY>HILLY/TANK TOP CHEWWI!
~Place of Birth: Burton
~Male or Female. Male
~School: JTHS
~Occupation: APPRENTICE
~Residence: ROSLISTON
~msn screen name: THE RED BULL [ U WORLD] [!CUMMON!]nickelback said he never made it as a wise man..I FCUKN DID [UNCLE S DOESNT POP PILLS]


__Your Appearance___

~Hair Color: think it has every colour in it tbh, blonde, brown, white, everythin,
~Hair Length: near enough grown!
~Eye color: EXTREAMLY BLUE,GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
~Height: 6FT-ISH and shrinkin
~Braces?: nope
~Glasses?: nope
~Piercings: nope
~Tattoos: not yet, do want 1 at least doe
~Righty or Lefty: righty

___Your 'Firsts'___

~First best friend: HAHA, SHIIIIIIRLS
~First Award: Young player of the year
~First Sport You Joined:CRICKET
~First pet: dog...TARQUIN
~First Real Vacation: FRANCE
~First Concert: OOOO....CATTON FESTIVAL

___ Favorites___

~TV programme: HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NAKA
 MURA
~Color: Red
~Band: BLOC PARTY
~Song Right know : /OLD YELLOW BRICKS-Arctic Monkeys
~Friends: JO,LUKUS,STUIE,ROSS,WONK,PODGE[BIL
 LINGS],DANNY,LUBE COOL,DOTT,ANA,JORDIE NIEL,HANNAH MC L,WROBERT,PAULY,BRUUCEY BBES.....ECT
~Sweet: MARS DELIGHT
~Sport to Play: cricket
~Favorite brand/s: RIP CURL,billabong,quicksilver,F.A.C.E
 .
~Store: JJB
~School Subject: P.e
~Animal:CROCODILE
~Book: AS IF I CAN READ!!!!
~Magazine:zoo/nuts
~Shoes: has 2 b the shoes off i'robot that will smith wears!!!!

___Currently___

~Feeling: MOTIVATED
~Single or Taken?: TAKEN MON!!!!
~Have a crush: ^^^^OH YEAH
~Eating:CHEERIO'S
~Drinking: milk!
~Typing: 2 THE D2THE JAY SIME1
~Online?: yep
~Listening To: Bloc Party-LUNO
~Thinking About: HAHA, cummon guys, its party time n im here 2 stay...
~Wanting To: GET SHIT FACED!N ACTUALLYU ENJOY MA SELF
~Watching: tenacious d
~Wearing:err... shorts

___Your Future___

~Want Kids?: yes
~Want to be Married?: yes
~Careers in Mind: carpentry (touchwood)
~Where do you want to live: WI ALL MA M8S FRM ENGLAND IN AUZZIE,[ONLY IF ALL OF THEM ARE THERE]
~Car: MINI

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

~Hair color: doesnt bother me
~Hair length: long or short
~Eye color: hmmm,brown maybe,i hate blue, but blue eye's look gr8,dnt like green,
~Measurments: dnt care, but i do like a shorter gal preferably
~Cute or Sexy: cute
~Lips or Eyes: eyes
~Hugs or Kisses: kiss's n hugs
~Short or Tall: shorter pref.
~Easygoing or serious: easygoing, but bit serious
~Romantic or Spontaneous: both, but i do like a nutta!lol
~Fatty or Skinny: doesnt bother me, but if i had 2 choose i'd go skinny,
~Sensitive or Loud: neither,haha, nah probs louder than sensitive
~Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
~Sweet or Caring: has 2 b both
~Trouble Maker or Hesitant One:bit of both

___Have you ever______

~Kissed a Stranger: YES, wasnt a bad plan!
~Had Alcohol: yes
~Smoked: no
~Ran Away From Home: haha, wen i was a mini hilly
~Broken a bone: nope
~Got an X-ray:yes
~Broken Someones Heart: hope not
~Cried When Someone Died: yes
~Cried At School: yes- when i nearly moved schools,

My WIFE = ANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHH
My Agony Aunt = ABI GGGGGGGGGGGG
My Rare Buddy = LUBE
MY VIRGIN MARY[HAHA] = ALEX [THE THING]
Fairy godmother = ELZIE N
My Daughter =
My Son =
MY VEGI= DOTT,[HAHA]
My Big Sister =
My Little Sister =LUCE
My bus buddy= HANNAH B
My Big brother =
My Little brother =
My one and only =
My math buddy= HANNAH B
My roomie =D-J-SIME1
My amazin lil dwarf= HANNAH MC LAMBON
My duo-partner= LUKUS
My Best Friend=D-J-SIME1
My Gay Friend =
My Hot Friend = MY JORDIE
My Obsession =
My Hairdresser =
My Bit On The Side = BRUCEY BABES [EVEN THOUGHT HE LOOKS AT RARE PICS]
My Happy Place = ROSSAL!!!!!!!!!!!!>>>>>>>>>> SCAFRO
My Hardcore Gangsta =ROSSAL!!!!!!!!!!!!>>>>>>>>>> SCAFRO
My Partner In Crime = ROSSAL!!!!!!!!!!!!>>>>>>>>>> SCAFRO
My Bitch = ELZIE N
My Everything =
My Lover = MY JORDIE
My Guardian Angel =ANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Twin =
My weat buddies= PODGE N LIL GAL I DNT NO NAME OF[ ERM ANNA I FINK]
My Cousin =the meynal factor! ANNA
My Sunshine = ANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My awsum randomer = STUIE G [LEGEND 4 MANY A REASON]