# In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Jack Bauer.

# Jack Bauer uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

# Jack Bauer once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

# Crop circles are Jack Bauers way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

# Jack Bauer is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

# The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Jack Bauer out. It failed miserably.

# Contrary to popular belief, Jack Bauer, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

# Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Jack Bauer has 72... and they're all poisonous.

# If you ask Jack Bauer what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

# Jack Bauer drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

# When Jack Bauer sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Jack Bauer has not had to pay taxes, ever.

# The quickest way to a man's heart is with Jack Bauers fist.

# Jack Bauer invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

# Jack Bauer can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

# There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Jack Bauer allows to live.

# Jack Bauer once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

# What was going through the minds of all of Jack Bauers victims before they died? His shoe.

# Jack Bauer is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

# Police label anyone attacking Jack Bauer as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

# Jack Bauer doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

# Jack Bauer doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

# A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Jack Bauer and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

# Jack Bauer will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

# If you spell Jack Bauer in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

# Jack Bauer originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Bauer replied, "That's no glitch."

# Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Jack Bauer once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

# The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Jack Bauer played in second grade.

# Jack Bauer once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

# Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Jack Bauer re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

# Jack Bauer has two speeds: Walk and Kill.