Lawyers and Blondes, oh my!

A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; And every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asks him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thinks about it, but finally gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars.
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Stoner Shopping Trip

A stoner walks into a gas station and asks the dude at the counter, "Got any weed?" The man politely replied, "Um, no sir. We do not sell marijuana here." So he left.
The same guy comes back the next day and says, "Got any weed?" The man behind the counter, although slightly annoyed, patiently replied, "No sir. We don't sell marijuana." So the man went home.
He goes once again to the gas station. And again, he says to the guy working there, "Got any weed?" By this time the other dude was pissed. He yells, "You freakin' refer-lovin', pot-head burn-out! I told you, we don't sell that crap here! If you ever come back in here asking for that filthy crap again, I'll nail your freaking feet to the floor. Got it? Now beat it before I call the cops." So the stoner left.
The next day he went back to the same old place with a dopey smile on his face. He went to the cashier and said, "Got any nails?" The man hesitated, then replied, "um, no. . . sir, we don't sell nails here." The stoner grinned. "Got any weed?"
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An Act of Charity

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
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The Little Crab

There were two little crabs who met in Florida every year. One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly. The other crab asked why and he said, "I got a ride here on a man's moustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing."
"Well," the other crab said, "why don't you hide up a lady's skirt next year. Then you won't be as cold."
The little crab said, "Hey, that isn't a bad idea."
A year later, the two crabs met at the same place, and the one little crab was shivering very badly again. The other crab asked if he had taken his advice and he said, "Yeah, I went and hid up a lady's skirt, but when I woke up in the morning I was on that's guy's moustache again!"
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Penguins Go to the Zoo

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back

Hello all you little people that missed me terribly while i was miles away lapping up some sun..

My Holidays were so good it was a shame to come home! but aint that always the case...

We had a little turbulance on the way over to menorca - which to be honest was a first for me but as far as i gather it was mild.

We spent the week in lovely little apartments with our own little patio

Went out every day for walks down les delphines which was full of wee shops and lovely resteraunts

Didnt do much sun-bathin as we were on the go most of the time!

took a day excursion round some of the island - saw some shops beaches then went to mahon harbour - visited the distillery and got free samples of the gin and liqueurs mmmm!
we then went on a glass bottom boat and toured the harbour - which was quite massive!

Got drunk most nights (and some days) even managed to get locked in the apartments' bar one nite which was cool once the doors were shut the drinks were free got quite a few shots and cocktails passed my way while brian got to run mad behind the bar!!

all in id love to go back it was such a change fae dull little alloa...

My Name Means, Apparently, According to this.

D : You like to drink.
A : You like to drink.
W : You are very broad minded.
N : You like to drink

Delete the other person's first name and repost this with the title "what does your name mean?"


A : You like to drink.
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly.
D : You like to drink.
E : awesome kisser.
F : You are dead sexy.
G : You never let people tell you what to do.
H : You have a very good personality and good looks.
I : You are great in bed.
J : People Adore You.
K : You're wild and crazy.
L : You like to drink.
M : Best kisser ever.
N : You like to drink.
O : You are great in bed.
P : You are popular with all types of people.
Q : You are a hypocrite.
R : Easy to fall in love with
S : Fuckin crazy.
T : Best kisser ever.
U : You really like to chill.
V : You are not judgemental.
W : You are very broad minded.
X : You like to drink.
Y : You're the best gf/bf anyone could ask for.
Z : Always ready.