You manacled mimes,

It's an exciting time in the world of We Are Scientists, a world that sits comfortably within the perimeters of the known universe, blanketing roughly 80% of it. For one thing, we've got our first shows of the summer coming up this week, just weeks before they'd be disqualified from the summer season altogether. Have a look:

Thursday, 30 July - CAMBRIDGE, MA - The Middle East (w/ Bear Hands, Bad Girlfriend)

Friday, 31 July - NORTHAMPTON, MA - Iron Horse Music Hall (w/ Bad Girlfriend)

Sunday, 2 August - NEWARK, NJ - All Points West Festival (w/ Coldplay, MGMT, Echo & the Bunnymen)

Besides the usual mix of hard-rocking country jams and R-rated cabaret-style dance theater, we'll be slipping a few surprises in during these sets. We're talking about things you have simply never seen, and never ever heard. For those of you living outside of traveling distance to these shows, expect a full recap next week -- for now, we've decided to embrace vagary in the interest of causing some heart attacks in the audience.

If this seems like a big tease, trust us when we tell you that this is the kind of tease that you meet at the bar, spend three hours courting, and are about to write off, when everything suddenly accelerates and you find yourself mattress-dancing in a half-star motel down the road -- neon-colored light spilling through the single-ply curtains, the faucet head pissing continuously onto the mirror out of a cracked seal, roaches cocking their antennae inquisitively at the unscheduled performance taking place in the middle of the room, the obsessively repetitive embodiment of a skipping record. And then, of course, there is the first pregnancy, and the second, and the truly-unwanted third. There are the fluctuations in career satisfaction, in lifestyle satisfaction, the waning of thickness and color of hair. There are preschool graduations and high school graduations, and the child who drops out of college, and the one who will never leave college. There are exotic pets, uncreative vacations, larger houses, and, once the kids have all moved out, a smaller one. There is the largely pleasant if blue-tinted shift into much older age, during which so many of the most tangible aspects of your daily life, you find, exist only in memory, the greatest exception, of course, being the person you once spent a couple of hours thinking was probably just a tease, just someone looking for a little entertainment to while away the hours till last call on a Thursday night. And now the two of you have whiled away two entire lives together, largely to the contentment of each -- certainly you are happy to have avoided the solitude so many of your friends seem to be spending their declining years immersed in.

Hope to see you at the shows!

You dinosaur eggs mistaken for avocados,

The time for us to release our new single is now -- *this very* now.

IMPATIENCE, that song of ours that lots of people like, a number of people love, and only a few stingy b*stards find boring, comes out today in no less than 3 FORMATS. Yes, 3 FORMATS! Is that pretty much standard these days for singles? It may be, but if so then it's the gold standard. You've got the CD, with a remix of DINOSAURS as the b-side, a remix that will keep you dancing hard for its full 7 minutes. You've got Vinyl #1, featuring b-side NEW ME, an explosion of 80's pop candy that will rot your teeth, your mind, your crotch, and any spirituality you might have. And then there's Vinyl #2, with b-side GET OFF, a rock song with a wonderful little riff that gets played nearly a hundred times, plus a great chorus, *plus* a verse that doesn't even have that crazy riff in it (it has a different riff). And of course you have the option -- as any free, thinking person would demand -- of buying all three in a cheap-ass bundle, with bonus poster (signed, possibly, if you're quick).

ORDERING IMPATIENCE FROM US IS GOOD LUCK IN CERTAIN CULTURES.
: http://tinyurl.com/5ro3kf

And of course by now you've seen the video we made for Impatience, and so you're undoubtedly wondering just HOW IN THE HELL WE DID IT. How the fangs? How all the hair? How the mustaches, so many of them? These questions and more are answered in the 'Making Of' video that we recently posted on one of our internets.

MAKING INCREDIBLE THINGS IS EASY -- WHEN YOU HAVE NEARLY ₤3000 AT YOUR DISPOSAL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeTaa...

If that were not enough -- if wasting your time with this email by taking so long to tell you so little was not enough -- then take a look at this. It's a commercial for an amazing product that we *personally guarantee*. We're speaking, of course, about We Are Scientists' American Tan tanning product.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxn-3...

As those old-timey news anchors used to say back in the 1950's at the end of their broadcasts, thank you, and shut up.

You Effervescent Eye Patches,

Just a quick note to let you know that we are in charge now. On September 15, we release our third single off this second album, an album that needs no introduction, old BRAIN THRUST MASTERY, the latest from us, We Are Scientists, a great little album full of huge riffs and huge songs and little tiny huge nuances that will stick with you till sometimes forever -- old Brain Thrust Mastery, of all things. The single? It's none other than IMPATIENCE, a song that needs no introduction, the fifth song on the album, maybe the peppiest, a real poppy slice of positivity with its driving kick/ snare charge and its sing-a-long chorus and its quiet-to-giant bridge... IMPATIENCE we're calling it.

In terms of B-Sides, we've dealt you a royal flush. Read 'em and weep big ol' chunks of steak down your cheeks:

- NEW ME
- GET OFF
- DINOSAURS (Ibiza Mix)

That's assuming you've got two wild cards; then that makes a royal flush. Without giving too much more free advice, let us just say that if you like our take on modern rock, you will like-or-love all three of these songs. You might even vomit when you hear NEW ME, from nerves.

PRE-ORDER IMPATIENCE NOW AND FORGET ABOUT YOUR OLD BAD QUALITIES.

http://wearescientists.trinitystreet...

What did you do last weekend? If you were at READING OR LEEDS, you already know what we did. If not, get a taste: HERE'S WHAT WE DID SO EASY; TRAINING INVOLVED, YES, BUT AT SOME POINT INSTINCT TAKES OVER.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/readingandleeds...

And, not to harp, but something else about IMPATIENCE: we made a great crappy video for it that you may have seen (hint: it involves a
34 minute fly-fishing sequence), and if you've been trying to think of a way to express your admiration for everything 'that video', consider heading over to MTV2's voter booth and keying in your
approval:A VOTE FOR IMPATIENCE IS A VOTE AGAINST GEORGE W.
BUSH, FOR THE GREEN REVOLUTION, AGAINST AXE MURDER, AND FOR ALL LAKES BEING CONVERTED TO CHOCOLATE LAKES.

http://www.mtv.co.uk/myspacechart

Until this time tomorrow,

Lakes