Jokes 'bout neds

Q. What's the difference between a ned and a coconut?
A. one's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

Q. Two neds jump off a cliff, who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a ned girl use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.

Q. What do you call a 30 year old ned girl?
A. Granny.

Q. What do you call a ned in a box?
A. Innit.

Q. What do you call a ned in a filing cabinet?
A. Sorted.

Q. What do say to a ned in a suit
A. "Will the defendant please rise"

Q. Why did the ned cross the road?
A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason what so
ever.

Q. What do you call a ned girl in a white tracksuit?
A. The bride.

Q. If you're driving and see a ned on a bike why should you try not to
hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

Q. What's the first question during a ned quiz night?
A. What you looking at?

Q. Why are neds like slinkey's?
A. Thay have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight
of stairs.

Q. Two neds in a car without any music, who's driving?
A. The policeman!

Q. How do you get a hundred neds in a phonebox?
A. Paint 3 stripes on it.

Q. What do you call a hundred neds at the bottom of the river?
A. A start.

Q. Where do you take a ned girl for a decent night out?
A. Up the ar*e.

Q. Why is 3 neds going over a cliff in a nova a shame?
A. Because a nova has 4 seats.

Q. What do you call a ned with 9 gcse's?
A. A liar.

Q. What do you say to a ned with a job?
A. Bigmac please.

scottish jokes

Q. What do you call a Englishman holding the world cup?
A. A thief

A scotsman who's always loved a good drink goes to his local every night and orders two glasses of scotch each and every night. His wife eventually convinced him to stop drinking scotch, so one night she takes two glasses and fills one with water and the other with scotch and puts them on the coffee table and reaches into her pocket and takes out a worm the husband asks "What are you doing", she ignores him and carries on she put the worm in the glass of water it happily swims around then she takes it out of the water and into the scotch it quickly dies. She turns to her husband and asks what havve you learnt from this, the husband replies "at least you won't get worms if you drink scotch".

dis is way funny

1) Thats not right.......... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP................. Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man..........................
. Dum Fuk

5) Small horse...................... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?.................... Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped in to a coffee table................. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift...................... Chin Tu Fat

9) Its very dark in here.........................
.. Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet............... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone....................... No Pah King

12) Staying out of sight........................
.....
. Lei Ying Lo

13) He's cleaning his automobile................ Wa Shing Ka

14) Your body odor is offensive.................. Yu Stin Ki Pu

15) Great..................... Fa Kin Su Pah

If u understood how to do this, repost it and share the laugh.

For the losers who didnt get it..... You're dumb
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my personal details
1. Full Name: brett webster
2. Nicknames:broosh Or Br33tt
3. Birthday: 11th november
4. Place of Birth: abdn hospital
5. Zodiac Sign:Scorpio
6. Male or Female: male
7. Grade:S3
8. School: Kemnay Academy
9 old :14 Years Young
10 Residence: Kintore
11 MSN Screen Name: Broosh_maatee

your first
1. first best friend : Your Mother
2. first award:football
3. first sport you joined: football
4. first pet:fish
5. first real vacation : Zante, Greece
6. first concert : T in the Park......
7. first love :

fav stuff
1. movie:Napolean Dynamite
2. t.v :Family Guy
3. colour lue
4. rapper:Akon
5. band:Kasabian
6. friends:Stoosh, Mini, Jackoosh
7. sweetie:Kit Kat Chunky
8. sport:Football
9. animal:dogs
10.magazines:Match
11.wear :G-star, DC, Nike and Henri Lloyd

Future:
1. want kids :yes, DM!
2. want to married :maybe
3. career:Engineer
4. live:scotland
5. car:Your Mother...Nahh Jokes...Probably BMW M3