1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? Stewart/ Stew

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Rodney' (dont laugh)

3. LAST CRY? when my granny wasnt well, but she's ok now!!

4. WHEN WHERE U LAST SAD? get stressed with business but I dont tend to get sad

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? is it covered in gravy? if yes then it doesnt matter

6. WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE TAKEAWAY? how drunk am i?

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? couldnt hurt

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? No, too much writing needed

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? when it calls for it

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? I still have mine

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes, but can some1 come with me

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? COCO POPS

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? depends on the shoe ,What if there slips ons?

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I play rugby so i suppose so, I can lift 145kg on my chest, think thats pretty reasonable

15. What is your favourite ice cream flavour ? pooh bear

16. SHOE SIZE? 9/10 so we'll say 9.5

17. FAVOURITE BODY PART (NOT YOURS) I like pretty eyes

18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my really small hands

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? miss some of the boys at home when am in Lincoln but theres plenty of distractions

20. WHAT COLOUR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? wearing a pair of blue duck and cover jeans and a pair of reto fila trainers, there wicked

21. LAST THING YOU ATE? tuna and mayo on brown

22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? pendulem - bacteria remix It's a bit intense but my music is on random, the next song is bloc party - FLUX fyi

23. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? the one that doesnt get used that much something like cyan

24. FAVOURITE SMELL? hugo boss, ultravoilet, black XS, john paul goat,

25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Becky boo

26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? eyes and smile ...honestly, closely followed by boobs and bum hehe (what? am a fella!!)

27. FAVOURITE DRINK? I am ashamed to admit this but i love buckfast (i know) but I like a desperado with a lime its a beer with tequeila in it

28. FAVOURITE SPORT? Rugby or football

29. EYE COLOUR? hazel brown

30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope

31. FAVOURITE FOOD? nandos chicken

32. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings

33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATRE? dunno, dont really go

34. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? a navy canteberry uni rugby polo t-shirt

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter

36. HUGS OR KISSES? snuggles! its a mix of a huggle and kisses

37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? nanas apple tarts

38. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? the art of getting your own way

39. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Aww I dont have one

40. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT?! 2 pints of larger and a packet of crisp

41. UR FAVOURITE SOUNDS? my new house mate is into 'dub step' i have no idea what it is exactly but ok

42. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?? Aqua

43. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Florida and lincoln (sometimes it feels far away)

44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Craigavon area hospital

45. HAVE U EVER STOLEN ANYTHING? penny chews when i was younger, but i felt bad and told them

CHUCK NORRIS

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Don't mess with Chuck!

Peter Kay Universal Truths
1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
1 The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
2 No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad