Classifieds

Male zombie seeking relatively attractive female zombie for life partner.
Must have most limbs still attached. Head and torso also preferred.
Must be really hot in previous life.

If you fit the descriptions call: 0438456153

haha. jokes. but ring that number anyway - just for kicks.

1. Make sure they don't get a hold of your "good" arm.

2. You will need at least 2 zombies to pull this off. So always travel in mobs... And groan lots. That seems to help disguise the fact that you're not a zombie. Dragging one leg is a heavy intimidation tactic.

3. Leave one zombie out in the open. The graveyard setting is ideal as humans like to hang out there

4. This particular “bait” zombie should be fairly plump, a skinny one will just be overlooked by the humans.

5. When they come in for the kill. Simply have one other zombie in the ground to grab their legs.

6. Once they are secured, ad completely immobile, simply have the plump zombie walk up to them and calmly, respectfully, eat their brain.

7. Ideally you should turn them first. But it just becomes a bonus it you’re hungry. Quality brains are hard to come across these days.

8. Zombies only eat good brains that are full of nutrition. What other reason is there that explains the current existence of Australian politicians… especially one John Howard.

Don’t freak out Johnny, we aint’ comin’ for you. We only eat premium cuts of brain.

~TAP~TAP~TAP... Then BAM! I punch down the enter button on my keyboard, I've just slammed down four paragraphs of thoughts and research nicely and strategically intertwined for my latest assignment. I'm totally hyped up on coffee and I’m on a friggin’ roll.

NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW! Only a few more paragraphs and I've finished my entire essay. I only take a short break between paragraphs before my fingers start sprawling wildly over my already battered keyboard. Word after word, slowly the page fills without hesitation, then... "BLA-BLING!"

"What the flip is that!" Someone has commented to me on MSN. "SWEET! I have friends". So, I start chatting away aimlessly. All my elite typing efforts are put into this single conversation that will inevitably end in; "shut up"..."NO, you shut up".

So its three hours later and the conversation ended according to plan, it’s 1am now and if I had continued with my assignment I would be finished by now and totally, blissfully asleep. However, because I decided to chat to someone for the eternal glory of winning a verbal spar over cyberspace, I am now dead tired and my brain keeps slipping in and out of the state of “zoned out”.

I soon learn that it is impossible to work under these conditions and leave the assignment to be finished tomorrow, in the final hours before it’s due, under complete stress. This is NOT a good position to be in… EVER.

Oh well… at least I still have a chat log of me totally annihilating that guy on msn…
What was that about again?


Ever been in this position?