1. Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
2. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
3. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
4. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
5. Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
6. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
7. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
8. Chuck Norris can speak braille.
9. Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
10. On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
11. Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
12. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
13. If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
14. Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
15. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
16. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
17. Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
18. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
19. Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
20. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
21. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
22. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
23. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
24. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
25. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
26. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
27. If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
28. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
29. Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
30. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
31. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
32. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
33. Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
34. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
35. Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
36. Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
37. The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill yo

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

NAME – adam
SINGLE OR TAKEN - single
ZODIAC SIGN - Gemini
MALE OR FEMALE - male
SCHOOL - Anderson high all the way
CHAV/PUNK/EMO- None.
HOW MANY BUDDIES ON UR LIST - 158
HAIR COLOUR – Blonde
HAIR LONG OR SHORT - short
EYE COLOUR – Blue
ARE U A HEALTH FREAK- no really
HEIGHT - Tall
DO U HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE - kinda but not really
DO U LIKE URSELF - ye im hot as fuck lyk lol
BRACES? - Nope!
THINK UR AWESOME? – ye!
PIERCINGS – ear
TATTOO'S – yep soon to get another
RIGHTY OR LEFTY - Righty

___Your 'Firsts'___

SURGERY – ears
FIRST PIERCING - Ears.
FIRST BEST FRIEND(S) – fuck knows
FIRST PET – brono
FIRST LOVE – like fuck if im gonna say that here

___Favorites___

MOVIE – Blade1,2 and 3
TV SHOW – Scrubs,2 and a half men and king of queens
COLOUR – blue
MUSIC – punk/ska
DRINK - C4
BODY PART - big boobys
ITEM OF CLOTHING – t-shirts
BRAND OF CLOTHING? – band merch
WHAT DO U SLEEP WITH? – my bum
ANIMAL – any kind of fish
BOOK – fuck that
MAGAZINE – ummmmmmmmmmmmm

___Currently___

I'M EATING – nothin
I'M DRINKING – nothin
DOING NEXT – dunno
LISTENING TO – Reel big fish
WAITING FOR – bixter
WATCHING - The Computer Screen.
WEARING – socks, underwear
__Your Future___

WANT KIDZ? – Nah
(IF DO) GIRLS NAME- Page
(IF DO) BOYS NAME- Zak
WANT 2 GET MARRIED? –dunno
CAREERS IN MIND - fuck knows

__Which is better with the Opposite__

LIPS OR EYES - Eyes
HUGS OR KISSES - kisses
SHORTER OR TALLER - shorter
ROMANTIC OR SPONTANEOUS - Both
NICE STOMACH OR NICE ARMS – Erm.. Stomach
SENSITIVE OR LOUD – Loud
HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP - whatever
SWEET OR CARING - Both.
TROUBLE MAKER OR HESITANT? - Trouble Maker

___Have you ever___

KISSED A STRANGER – nope
DRANK BUBBLES – ye
LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES – Never Had Them
RAN AWAY FROM HOME – kinda
BROKEN A BONE - yep
GOT AN X-RAY - nope
TURNED SOMEONE DOWN - Yes
CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED – nope.