Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate bout people:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking
floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest
damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser

This is freakin' brilliant—whoops! I came in way, way, way too early. What? No. Just keep going? Yeah, it's fine. Cheers.

This is freakin' brilliant.
The embarrassment I endure
I thought I saw an angel
I was completely sure
She smiled at me on the subway
Turned out she was a man
I didn't know until I tried to sleep with her
After 8 black and tans

But she was beautiful, She was beautiful
She was beautiful, I swear
When I saw her face, it was in a crowded place
And I didn't see the bump right here
I shouldn't've drank so much beer.

Yeah, she had one lazy eye
But I couldn't tell in that light.
You should have seen the look on my face
When we got home that night.
And I said, "What the----oh my! Can we turn off the lights?"
But she just took off her clothes and my lust turned to fright.

But she was beautiful, She was beautiful
She was beautiful, I swear
When I saw her face, it was in a crowded place
And I didn't see the bulge right here.
Why did I drink so much beer?

No no no no no,
No no no no no no,
No no no no no no!

But she was beautiful, I promise she was beautiful
You gotta believe me she was beautiful, I swear.
I bet a flock of angels had smiles on their faces
As they watched me almost hook up with her—him—her—him—oh, gosh.
But it's time to face the truth
I got drunk and made out with a dude.

___FACTS BOUT ME___
1. FULL NAME: Rhona Elizabeth Marshall
2. NICKNAMES: R-H-ona
3. BIRTHDAY: 5th June
4. PLACE OF BIRTH: Dumfries
5. ZODIAC SIGN: gemini
6. MALE OR FEMALE:female obviously
7. GRADE: 2nd yr
8. SCHOOL: high skl
9. OCCUPATION: secatary t the bard vet group (i make thn coffee nd tea as wel as count th mony)
10.RESIDENCE: Glebe House, Tinwald
11.MSN SCREEN NAME: nt tht long

___YOUR APPEARANCE___
12. HAIR COLOUR: mousy brwn
13. HAIR LENGTH: not too long
14. EYE COLOUR: dark brwn
15. WEIGHT: dunno
16. HEIGHT: dunno
17. BRACES?: nut
18. GLASSES?: purple
19. PIERCINGS: nup
20. TATTOOS: no
21. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: lefty

___YOUR 'FIRST'S'___
22. FIRST BEST FRIEND: Nicole(i know-hard 2 believe)
23. FIRST AWARD: spellin award
24. FIRST SPORT: volley ball
25. FIRST PET: 2 dogs, 10 fish
26. FIRST REAL HOLIDAY: America wen i was 1 for ma uncles wedin
27. FIRST CONCERT: dken
28. FIRST LOVE: no tellin

___FAVOURITES___
29. MOVIES: chic flic
30. TV PROGRAMME: Holloaks, Scrubs nd friends
31. COLOUR: pink, blue, purple
32. RAPPER: dunno
33. BAND: sugarbabes
34. SONG RIGHT NOW: sweet escape
35. FRIENDS: terri, callie, julie, rozzy, violet, meg, rachy, shaz nd kata
36. SWEET: chocolat
37. SPORT TO PLAY: basketball
38. RESTAURANT: benvenuto (the italian 1 in Georgetown)
39. FAVOURITE BRAND: dken
40. STORE: new look
41. SCHOOL SUBJECT: mafs (sad i ken)
42. ANIMAL: dogs
43. BOOK: all the young bond books (silverfin, blood fever nd double or die)
44. MAGAZINE: Now
45. SHOES: trainers

___CURRENTLY___
46. FEELING: lyk shyt
47. SINGLE OR TAKEN: Single nd lookin
48. HAVE A CRUSH?: Totally
49. EATING: not et ny fink since fri
50. DRINKING: nout
51. TYPING: this nd ma re project
52. ONLINE: bebo n msn
53. LISTENING TO: brit awards cd
54. THINKING ABOUT: ma re hmwk
55. WANTING TO: fall asleep
56. WATCHING: nout
57. WEARING: baggy trousers nd ma purple top

___YOUR FUTURE___
58. WANT KIDS?: sorta
59. WANT TO GET MARRIED?: onli if d rite guy comes along
60. CAREERS IN MIND?: dancing or singing
61. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?: ny were bt here
62. CAR: i dunno!

___WHICH IS BEST WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?___
63. HAIR COLOUR: brwn
64. HAIR LENGTH: short
65. EYE COLOUR: dusnt mater
66. MEASUREMENTS: jst a bit taller thn me
67. CUTE OR SEXY?: both
68. LIPS OR EYES?: both
69. HUGS OR KISSES: both
70. SHORT OR TALL: well same hight as me or taller!
71. EASYGOING OR SERIOUS: easygoing!
72. ROMANTIC OR SPONTANEOUS: dunno
73. FATTY OR SKINNY?: in between(normal)
74. SENSITIVE OR LOUD?: loud!
75. HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP: not 2 serious!!
76. SWEET OR CARING?: a bit of both!
77. TROUBLE MAKER OR HESTITANT ONE?: Trouble maker lol!

___HAVE YOU EVER...___
78. KISSED A STRANGER: he wos sorta a stanger
79. HAD ALCOHOL: tuns o times
80. SMOKED: no
81. RAN AWAY FROM HOME: ye bt onli 4 30mins
82. BROKEN A BONE: no
83. GOT AN X-RAY: no
84. BEEN WITH SOMEONE: yes
85. BROKEN SOMEONE: wot?!?!?
86. BROKEN UP WITH SOMEONE: Yeah!
87. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: yes( my dog s nd ma granny)
88. CRIED AT SCHOOL: tuns o times t primary wen i wos gettin bullied
_____DO YOU BELIEVE IN...___

89. GOD: yea
90. MIRACLES: sumtimes
91. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: yes
92. GHOSTS: yes(there is 1 in ma house)
93. ALIENS: no bt in d Standard sum1 said dat dey saw a ufo above me nd ma neighbors house
94. SOUL MATES: wtf!
95. HEAVEN: wen i die ill find oot!
96. HELL: wen i die ill find oot!
97. ANGELS: yip
98. KISSING ON THE FIRST DATE: depends hu t s
99. HOROSCOPES:no bt they r funny wen dey sai tht u hv a stlkr lol