well this stupid woman left her car windows open when she flew out from the airport, so i covered them up with bags n tape to stop it getting soaked as the carpark attendants couldnt care less, left detail of who i was and where i worked and said dont worry your car aint been broken into bla bla bla. She came back this morning according to the attendat on duty who helped her remove the tape n shit and did i even get a thankyou.... Did i fuck.. Next time i wont bother being so nice to strangers

If you give a mouse a cookie he's gonna want a glass of milk, if you give a mouse some milk he'a gonna want some more, if you give a mouse more milk he will develope a taste for hunman blood, if he develops a tase for human blood he will become a vampire, if he becomes a vampire he will need to raise some followers, now if he makes some followers, they will need to feet, and if they feed too much they will have to call out the national guard, and if the national guard is called out they too will become vampires, if the national guard fails then the president will call in a nuclear strike, if a nuke is dropped hundreds of thousands of people will die, america will become a nuclear waste land and collapse, and with no one else to keep the rest of the worlds nukes in check every crack pot nation will launch theyre own nukes, eventually the entire world will be destroyed.........................
 ..................................
 ........... AND THATS WHY I HAD TO KILL DADDY.... HE WAS GIVING A MOUSE A COOKIE

1> do not walk behind me, For i may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for i may not follow. Do not walk beside either, Just fuck off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins witha broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hours come just before dawn. So if your going to steal your neighbours milk and newspaper, thats the time to do it.

4.Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

5. Dont aspire to become irreplacable. If you cant be replaced, you cant be promoted.

6. Remember no one is listening until you Fart.

7. Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of water with both feet.

9. If you think no one cares wether your dead oe alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10.Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. that way, when you judge them, your a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you dont succceed, avoid sky diving.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13.Have you ever lent someone a 20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you dont have to remember anything.

15. Some days we are flies; some day we are the windscreens.

16. Dont worry it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgement come from experiance, experiance come from bad judgement.

18. The quickest way to double you money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

20. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

21. Generally speaking, you arent learing much if your lips are moving.

22. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

23. Experience is something you dont get until just after you need it

24. When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smaked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

25. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

Remember not to foget that which you do not need to know.....