FOUR LASTS :
. Last Beverage - Water
. Last Phone Call - Dad
. Last Time You Cried - Cant remember XD
. Last Text Message Sent To You Says - "dont be late for work" from fiona

HAVE YOU EVER :
. Dated Someone Twice - Nope
. Been Cheated On - Yeah
. Kissed Someone & Regretted It? - Yup
. Lost Someone Special? - Yeah
. Been Depressed - Not really
. Been Drunk And Threw Up? - Haha Yeah!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS :
. Blue
. Red
. Black

THIS MONTH HAVE YOU :
. Made A New Friend - Yeah
. Fallen Out Of Love - Nope
. Laughed Until You Cried - lol yup. at myself
. Met Someone Who Changed Your Life - not this month
. Found Out Who Your True Friends Were - Yeah
. Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone - Always
. Have You Kissed Anyone On Your Top Friend's List - yea, but in a purely friendly way XD

RANDOMS :
. Who Do You Trust The Most? - My friends
. What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday? - Had friends over to the island
. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night? - OTP in town. Probably grumpies.
. Name Something You CANNOT Wait For? - Christchurch. woot.
. What Are You Listening To Right Now? - Brook Fraser. Hangover playlist.
. What Is One Thing You Wish You Could Change About Your Life? - Ha, too much.
.Have You Ever Talked To A Luke? Luke from telecom Chch
. Most Visited Webpage? - oooo. Windowslive, or NZherald, or facebook 0o.
. How Many People On Your Friends List Do You Know In Real Life? - All
. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have? - Ahem. none
. Change Your Name? - I might.

REALS :
. What's Your Real Name - Fraser Robert Black
. Nicknames - Fuck, ummm, Frayfray, Frajayjay, Frayman, Frazzle, Fraz, "little gentleman" i dunno, everyone calls me something different XD
. Age - 18
. Zodiac Sign - Sag
. Male Or Female - Male
. Hair Colour - Brown
. Long Or Short? - Shortish, but getting longer
. Height - Fuck knows
. Piercings - Nope
. Tattoos - Nada
. Righty Or Lefty - Righty!

FIRSTS :
. First Surgery - Teeth
. First Piercing - .
. First Best Friend? - ooo. Julian prob XD
. First Award - lol. it would've been like reading or something at Central
. First Sport You Joined - Soccer
. First Pet - Cat, but it was a feral bitch
. First Crush - lol like i'm gunna post that.

CURRENTLY :
. Eating - Nothing
. Drinking - Water
. I'm About To - Go to work
. Waiting For - Kimber to pick me up

YOUR FUTURE :
. Want Kids? - No
. Want To Get Married? - Maybe
. Careers In Mind? - TV Production

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE PREFERRED SEX? :
. Romantic Or Spontaneous - Both
. Sensitive Or Loud - again, both
. Hook-up Or Relationship - LOL
. Trouble Maker Or Hesitant - Ummm, more trouble maker than hesitant but not too much trouble XD

HAVE YOU EVER :
. Kissed A Stranger - Yep
. Drank Hard Liquor - Yep
. Been Arrested - No. yay
. Turned Someone Down - Yeah
. Cried When Someone Died - Yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :
. Yourself - Always
. Miracles - Waiting for one
. Love At First Sight - Kinda

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’ll ask for your applause before I begin.

Obituaries this week. A Mr Andreas Kullman was found in a critical condition outside a motel on Collingwood St two days ago, and later died in hospital of exposure and a lethal dose of ring sting. Police are treating his death as suspicious and would like to speak with an eleven or twelve year old, with princess Leiah hair and a huge erection who was seen leaving the area shortly before dawn. A Mr Dion Hannen, a known deviant and destitute in the nelson region was found dead in the Queens Garden homosexual dance club. Police declined to comment on the state of Mr Hannen’s corpse, but sources from inside the fag-parlour said that Mr Hannen’s body was covered in gold body paint and he had been seen wearing a pink thong and nipple warmers with sexual electrocution attachments that appeared to have electrocuted him to death. A Mrs Ashlea Kemp was reported missing, assumed dead after she was allegedly kidnapped by co-worker Melanie Lawson after threatening to run away to Sydney with a Gay Boy and an Asian. And finally a Mr Ben Mcgougan took his own life and the lives of thirty others when he made good on threats to eat enough “Hunger Buster” meals to bust “Not only his hunger, but the rest of the restaurant as well.” Sources were unable to confirm just how he managed to take the lives of thirty others with him, but police were not treating the investigation as a high priority as twenty three of those killed in the blast were of Maori decent.

Schools from around the region would now like it very much if I read out the list of school notices that had grown like a cyst on the side of my desk. However, the National News is up next and I can hardly contain the amount of shit I would like to rip out of the sheet of paper in front of me.

National News. Helen Clark has, for the second time this week, made another speech distancing herself from her party, government, femininity, her breasts and her foreign minister Winston Peters, who has succeeded in driving the entire government though the floor and fulfilling his goal of being the biggest cunt in New Zealand media, second to me. I say New Zealand media because I have heard reports of a bigger cunt currently attending Nelson College for girls. These reports are being investigated.

International News. It was brought to my attention that, while Olympic fever is now over and we have returned to our normal T.V. schedule, consisting of shit and petty rubbish teaching fat mothers of two-point-four kids how to hide that baby bump and become the biggest milf on their street, Beijing is not quite done with us yet. The Retard Olympics, held in Beijing just after the White Olympics and just before the Black Olympics, are in full swing, where every little “downer that could” gets a chance to Javelin his sister with the five head or pole vault over a marshmallow using a rubber vault. What other International competition do you know that makes the competitors cut out their own medals using safety scissors and lines up eight skitzo’s to find out which one can run away from themselves the fastest? Someone once said, in order to judge how well a society functions, look at the ones it fucks up. As a global society we have proven that even one legged Billy with seven fingers and leprosy can still compete in throwing a metal testicle into a field, just not in the same competition as us, because we don’t want to catch whatever the hell gave you that seven-head.

On to weather.
Nelson. Fleeting signs of sunlight, quickly replaced by rain and thunder.
Stoke. High probability of old people dying.
Richmond. Bitchyness

Scream. Its been a
long time coming.